[E213] How Stories Change The World with Kaycee Stanley

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign to the Empowered to Connect podcast where we come together to discuss a healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families and our communities. Well, hello everyone. I am so excited to join you with a guest today. We have a new friend. Her name's Casey Stanley. And Casey, tell us a little bit about yourself as we get started with this podcast episode. [00:00:32] Speaker B: I'd love to. Thanks for having me on, Jesse. I'm excited to get to chat with you. So I am an adoptive mom of, of one, bio mom of three. So I have a 19 year old son who came home when he was 13, so he's about 6 years old in our family. And then we have a four year old girl, a three year old girl and a one year old girl. So family of, family of six with my husband and I and I run a nonprofit called the Real Hope Project. At Real Hope, what we do is we make videos of kids in foster care, we whose parental rights have been terminated and who are waiting to be adopted. And we use their videos to try to find a forever family for every child. [00:01:09] Speaker A: I love that. And I was reading a little bit about Real Hope. It sounds like you guys are in multiple states. Tell, tell me a little bit about that. [00:01:17] Speaker B: Yeah, so we started, our home state was Minnesota. And so we started in Minnesota and for the first five years really only served Minnesota kids. And then really felt a few years ago like God was beginning to, to open some doors for us to serve kids in other states and sort of planted a vision on, of serving a thousand kids a year is kind of the big picture dream. And so we're now operating in eight states. We've got four states in the Midwest region and four in the, in the Rocky Mountains. [00:01:45] Speaker A: Okay, that's great. So for our listeners in those regions, that applies to you, but I'm assuming it applies to everybody. Right. Tell me how that works in terms of if I'm listening in Tennessee and I hear about a child or watch a video about a child in Minnesota. How, how can I connect to that? [00:02:04] Speaker B: Yes. Yep. If you go on our website, you can see kids in all of our focus states and you can inquire about kids under each state. Under each video, there should be a little note that says whether or not that child is eligible for adoption outside of their home state. So it helps people know because oftentimes the hope is that we'll be able to find a family nearby so that that kid can maintain relationship with the people that they care about who are in that, in that state already. That's the hope most of the time. But sometimes the social workers are really open to wherever is the right fit for this kid. So it says right under their video, and then you can see that there. And you can always reach out to our organization just via our website, and we can help you get connected to the. To the county or the state or the agency, kind of depending on where you live. It's a little bit of a different pathway, so we can help you get connected to learn more. [00:02:56] Speaker A: That's awesome. I'm thinking we also have listeners who work in nonprofits and organizations who might be really interested in learning. How did you kind of move into these states where you hadn't been residing or having influence yet? How'd you get connected with them? [00:03:11] Speaker B: Yeah, good question. We always. So when we started in Minnesota, it was always like one of those, like, sort of unspoken visions in my heart that we'd be able to serve kids nationally someday. But I was almost afraid to say it. It was like our model at the time is that we made basically a video for a kid every week, and then we'd speak in a local church every Sunday, and we'd be highlighting the need for adoptive families in Minnesota every Sunday. And that's what we did. And that worked really beautifully. And. And we were able to grow our team and be able to for a while. We branched out into some different types of work, but ultimately felt like, man, the videos of kids is, like, really what we feel like, called to do and uniquely positioned for. And even our staff just has some unique skill sets around that. And so really felt like that's where the spotlight was, was like, keep focusing on that work. And around 2021, 2022, I actually had two staff people who at the same time decided to move out of Minnesota. And both of them said, hey, I'm moving away, but if I could do anything, I would keep working with real help and I would bring real help to my new state. And I was like, yeah, let's try it. And so we just kind of more out of reaction and happenstance, gave it a shot. And I was skeptical because everything that we do is so relational. All of our connections with churches and pastors have just been. That's just relational. All the social workers, we knew it was so relational. And I just thought, I don't know if this translates outside of Minnesota. But then saw it really did. And these two staff people were able to get us started in Wisconsin and Wyoming with wildly different experiences. It took about two years to launch in Wisconsin. It took about like, three to six months to launch in Wyoming, and just very, very different experiences. And upon doing that, we realized we actually don't even need staff people in these states, Especially since COVID everything's happening over zoom. We can be relational. We can build relationships digitally in this way, and we don't even need staff people in these states. It's actually more cost effective to fly our team in and do, you know, a week of shoots in Idaho and fly back out, and we can build relationship in that way. And so we've really, in the last few years, built some cool infrastructure. And. And of the expansion from there has been kind of a combination of, like, strategy and relationship and where it's just like this social worker says, hey, I have a friend who is in Colorado, and they would love to get to know you. And so then we can kind of start. Start it that way. So it's been definitely a combo. I'd like to say I have just a brilliant, strategic mind to figure it out, but it's been a little bit of strategy and a lot of just, like, connecting with people and building relationships, for sure. [00:05:55] Speaker A: I mean, I think we identify with that at Empowered to Connect, too. So we. We have a lot in common. Well, tell. Tell me a little bit, you know, on about what drew you to the. The world of foster care and adoption. [00:06:09] Speaker B: Yeah, there were really two big factors. I had felt called to adoption since I was a little kid. It just always felt like what God was leading me to. And so when my husband and I were dating, it's something that I said, hey, just so you know, this is like, I'm. I'm gonna do this, so we should only move forward if you are on board. And he eventually became even more passionate than I am, actually, through an Empowered to Connect conference that we went to before we adopted our son. We went to that just to kind of prepare her. And he got so, like. It just caught a fire in his heart at that conference. So very thankful for Empowered to connect. So we always knew we wanted to adopt, and we noticed a tre where when we would tell people that we wanted to adopt, we would almost always get, like, tons of support and enthusiasm, and people just like, oh, adoption. Oh, that's so great. And we loved that reaction. That's like, a beautiful reaction. But if we said we wanted to adopt out of the foster care system, we would get a lot more of the like, o. Okay, you know, are you sure about that? Or have you done your research? And do you know what those kids are like? And we always Remind ourselves that that reaction 100% comes from a place of love. And people just wanted to know that we knew what we were stepping into. But it also broke our hearts a little bit that that would be the way that, that anybody would respond to kids who need families. At the same time, on this set of things, I could look at those questions with a little bit more grace and like, okay, it is a big commitment, it is a big step and we should, we do need to be thoughtful and really prayerful and stepping into it. So a lot of it was my own family and my husband and I and just what we felt called to at the same time. I was a youth pastor for almost a decade, and I was a youth pastor at a church that was thriving, affluent community, great schools. And I just saw for nearly a decade as a youth pastor that the kids that have healthy families thrive and the kids who don't struggle. And it didn't really make a difference how good my youth ministry was or how good the schools were or how great our government safety nets were. All those things were good and helpful, but nothing moved the needle in the same way that family did. And so we just saw, man, the church has this big, beautiful heart for kids who need families. Churches do missions trips to orphanages, and churches do child sponsorship programs and really beautifully like beautiful, well intentioned things. And it's not that the church doesn't care about kids in foster care. It's just that's not often what we think of when we think of kids who need families. And so we started Real Help to really help to mobilize the faith community especially, but all people to raise awareness of kids waiting for families and hit the ground running in 2016. And it's been a wild, a wild ride since then. [00:09:04] Speaker A: 2016. I can't believe it's been less than 10 years and all that you've done. How many kids are you serving today? [00:09:12] Speaker B: This year our goal is to make reels for just under 200 kids. So it'll be about three, three to four shoots every week. [00:09:19] Speaker A: And if you watch these reels, guys, they are so good. They're so well done. What did it look like when you start? I'm sure it's changed a lot over the years. [00:09:28] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. When we were first starting, it was me and our videographer at the time. His name was Dan. Dan was, he was the videographer at my wedding. He was just like a buddy, who. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Do I know that takes videos? [00:09:41] Speaker B: I was like, who's good at videos and who's good With K. I called Dan and was like, hey, do you want to make some videos? And, like, not get paid? And he was like, sure. So Dan started out as a volunteer, then he was a contractor, and then he was on staff for a long time. And Dan is fantastic. So for in the early days, it was me and Dan road tripping around the state every week and filming these videos and really kind of grew over time in an understanding of who these kids are and what are their needs. How do we hold their hearts really well in the midst of talking about something as personal and emotional as family, when their experience of family has been really hard? We're only working with kids who. They're not just. It's not just any child in foster care. It's children who have been in foster care for long enough that their parental rights have been terminated, that no birth family. There wasn't a birth family option. There wasn't a kinship option. So these kids have gone through trauma after trauma after trauma in most cases. And we're trying to, like, have a fun day and talk about their hopes and dreams and figuring out how to hold that tension really well has been an ongoing journey of, like, we're going to always believe in hope and healing for these kids, and we don't want to come across to them as overly Pollyanna or not taking that seriously, you know, so we really have, I think, grown and matured as an organization just by doing it and kind of figuring it out as we go and being coached by some really wonderful social workers who are in the trenches with these kids every day. [00:11:11] Speaker A: Yeah, that's awesome. I want to hear more about that. How are you honoring stories as you tell that story? You. You talk about holding that tension. What. How can we even do that, you know, for any of our listeners, I think teach us a little bit about how to tell a story well and how to honor. How to honor kids stories. [00:11:30] Speaker B: Yeah, there's a few things that. Well, one story I'll tell that I think was really impactful for me is it was our third video shoot ever, and we were filming this girl, let's say her. I'll call her Anna. We're filming Anna, and I'm kind of doing the interview part. And I asked her, anna, tell me about, like, what would your dream family look like? Like, tell me about your dream family. And she got really quiet and was like, my dream family? Is my family like my birth family? I just wish they could have cared for me. And I was like, oh, yes, okay. It was just like this. This Kind of gut punch moment of, like, of course that's her dream. Okay, we need to, like, hold this a little bit more softly. And I think we have. There's a few things we've done. One, we always coordinate with social workers beforehand to make sure that we know everything we need to about who these kids are. How are they feeling about adoption? Is this something that they're excited about? Is it something that they have a lot of anxiety around so we can make sure our team approaches that kid really well? We also know kids cannot resist fun. And so we talk a lot with the social worker about, like, what fun activity is going to bring this kid to life, and we'll do anything we can to, like, make that happen. So just recently we played. We went. We did a shoot at a college, and the kid wanted to play basketball. And we connected with the basketball coach and he got his college. [00:12:55] Speaker A: That's awesome. [00:12:56] Speaker B: From his college team to come, like, play basketball with this kid. Like, whatever the kid wants to do, we're gonna, like, level it up. [00:13:02] Speaker A: This is like, make a wish a little bit in your readers. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Really fun. Yeah. We are shoot days. It's really great because social workers, as we all know, have such a hard job and are spread so thin, and they, they. They go through, like, the hardest moments. And we get to usually have a really fun day with social workers where we get to like, we're gonna go horseback riding, or we're gonna go to a pottery studio, or we've gone to recording studios and kids have made up their own raps and like, we get to, like, layer beats over these rats. It's super fun. So a lot of it is. Yeah. How is this, like, what kind of trauma triggers do we need to be aware of for this kid to make sure that we're wise and how we interact with them, what's really fun and going to help them come. Come alive. And then the third thing is really making sure that honor goes in all directions. And so it's not just honoring the child, but it's honoring their birth family, it's honoring their social worker, it's honoring the foster family that they wanted to adopt them and that couldn't for whatever reason. Like, we want to be the. The most honoring people in their story and really honoring their relationships, specifically on the shoot day with their social worker and so trying to do anything we can to help them feel safe with, I'll say her, because it's always her, it's always a girl, it's always female social workers. Most of the Time. And so a lot of times we'll ask kids. One of our favorite questions is like, what would your, how would your friends describe you? Like, tell us a few words that your friends would say about who you are. And there have been a couple of times over the years where kids have said, like, I don't know what they'd say, or, I don't have any friends, or just not know how to answer it. And we'll always sort of pass the ball to the social worker and we'll say, okay, Sheri, what would you say about Joey? Like, what are some of your favorite things about Joey? And we get to, like, build connection between Sherry and this kid that she's working with to just honor their relationship. So those are the big, the big pieces. We really, really try to make sure that our videos are entirely strengths based. So this is not the place where families are being told, okay? And this kid struggles with telling the truth, or this kid struggles with, with getting angry or, or anything like that. Like, the families are going to learn about all of that in the process. We want this video to be something that that kid is going to be proud of for the rest of their life. In 10 years. When they look back at that video, I want them to feel so good about who they are and how they're represented in it. [00:15:28] Speaker A: I love that so much. We do a training a little bit with our cultivate connection facilitators when they're finishing their training about being mindful about how we talk about people. And we use an example of a glass head that sits in our office and just to remind us that there's always somebody that's not being represented in the room. It's like, think about, think about who's not here. And I love, I hear that in, in the way that you're presenting these stories and the way that you're doing the interviews and that in that desire to honor all the way around that you're thinking about who's not there and how you can still honor them in what you say or don't say and even the language that we use, that's so positive. [00:16:16] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:16:17] Speaker A: That's great. You know, you were talking about kind of the original narrative that had been presented to you about foster care and adoption. I think also teenagers get a bad rap, like, and, and so I hear you saying you spent a decade in student ministry, and I actually started out that direction as well. So you and I share a love for teens. And I wonder, when you, when you adopted a teenager, what surprised you and what. What was different than what people. What people may have assumed about what it's like to parent teenagers or to adopt a teenager? [00:17:04] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, that's a great question. I think one of the things that surprised me, and obviously every story is very different, but our teenager was just primed for connection. I think sometimes when people think about teenagers, they think, oh, they're going to be shut down or they're going to not want to be in our family or in relationship with us. And so our son's name is Martez. We call him Tez or Tezzy Wesley. Tez was just, like, from the moment he came home, like, so ready for connection. He was, like, just physically affectionate. Always wanted to sit right by me, like, like a toddler. Like, wanted to sit, like, so close and just wanted to talk. Like, had such a heart for that. Over the years, he became more of a regular teenager. [00:17:52] Speaker A: Right? [00:17:53] Speaker B: Like, then be like, okay, enough, mom. But. But that was really surprising to me because I was ready to have to really fight to, like, win him over. And in our case, the. Especially in, like, the earliest days, that was like, the really easy part. And then it was like, okay, now that he is more settled in and he feels a little bit more comfortable being his full self now, then we had to battle the typical teenager shutdown, like, habits. And so that's been. That's been really surprising. I think one of the things that's been really difficult is just the constant kind of hamster wheel in your brain. Any challenges that come up, kind of that question all the time of like, well, is this just teenage boys? [00:18:39] Speaker A: Right? [00:18:39] Speaker B: Is this an adoption thing? Is this a trauma thing? And, like, kind of always having that running in the back of your mind is a little bit exhausting. And at the same time, like, totally unhelpful. It's like, it doesn't really matter where it's coming from. It's happening. So that's for sure been like, one of the challenges that I think probably all adoptive parents relate to. All parents, probably. Sure. [00:19:06] Speaker A: Yes. And I'm. For those of us who have adopted first as we. As we started our families, that's definitely at the forefront of our mind, because it's not like you had parented a teenage. Teenage boy before, you know, so it's like, no matter how you build your family that you don't know what you're doing in the first round, and. And then in the second round, it's going to be different. So you thought you knew what to expect, and then it's different. Anyways, so. [00:19:32] Speaker B: Totally. Totally. I had a few friends that were further along in the parenting journey than, than we were in terms of age. And I would tell them, like, well, this is coming up with tests. And they, and they'd be like, that's just, that's just what teenagers are, right? [00:19:46] Speaker A: Yeah. We need the people around us to be like, this is developmentally normal behavior. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't know about you, but I feel like experiencing that in youth ministry was different than experiencing it as, as a parent. That's. That's different this time around. Like, seeing it from the inside, I'm like, oh, yes, my voice of influence is not stretching as far right now. [00:20:10] Speaker B: Yes. Oh, so different. I love teenagers, and I felt like I was pretty good with teenagers, but it's like, man, as the mom, I don't have the same, like, cool, like, older sister vibe that I used to have. [00:20:23] Speaker A: Right. We have lost. We've lost the cool vibe. Well, what do you love about teenagers? Let's, let's just paint a really awesome picture. For those of our listeners who maybe have younger kids and they're dreading those teen years, or for those of our listeners who are in the teen years and they have forgotten the good things about, about teens, what would, what would you say are your favorites? [00:20:45] Speaker B: Oh, good question. I have loved, just personally, I have loved watching my teenager be a big brother to his little sisters. That has been so precious. My one year old is just obsessed with him. And every morning it's my favorite moment to bring. Milo is her name. I bring Milo over to Tez and every morning her legs are kicking. So excited. So that's been a really precious thing. I love that teenagers know how to say what they're feeling. They don't always know what they're feeling. Yeah. [00:21:14] Speaker A: But they can think about it and explore it. [00:21:16] Speaker B: Yes. They can have conversations. I've heard that. I think there's this idea out there that people who are adopting teenagers that, that teenage adoptions are more likely to disrupt, but that's actually not true. They're less likely to. To disrupt, I think, because a lot of the time these kids have gone through. I think by the time that Ted came home to us, he'd been in. In several really wonderful foster homes that really loved him super well and loved the Lord and like, taught him so many good things. And he'd had a lot of healing because of the families that stepped in in this temporary way. And we have been able to, like, reap the benefit of that, that he knows how to express his feelings in healthy ways. A lot of the time he's still a teenager, but I love that he can express that and that he's thinking. I mean, it's so funny that he. He can just swing wildly back and forth between thinking about really big, complex political conversations or, like, controversial things. And, like, he's wrestling through, trying to figure out where he lands on some things, and then, like, flip a switch back to, like, Pokemon and, like, Fortnite. [00:22:31] Speaker A: Right. [00:22:31] Speaker B: Like, you can talk. I remember one time when he was, like, 14, 15, I was like, but I love you so much, but I cannot talk about Pokemon anymore. [00:22:40] Speaker A: And I've reached my limit. Yeah. And I think probably every parent of a child has something. Just fill in the blank, whatever it is. Yeah. [00:22:49] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. [00:22:51] Speaker A: Oh, I love that. I. I love that, too, about teens being able to kind of grapple with the more complex parts of life, and they're starting to be able to be a little aware of themselves and think about what they're thinking about. All of that is so cool to me, and to just see it develop. I'm a child development geek, so I just love to nerd out on that kind of stuff and be like, oh, wow, I can see she's starting to be able to grapple with, like, gray areas and, you know, be able to be able to think, to hold more than one idea in their mind at the same time. And, you know, like, this is true, but this is true. How does that work? You know? Or, like, I feel this, but I also feel this. [00:23:35] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:36] Speaker A: That's just so cool to walk through with. With kids. Listeners. Before we started recording, Casey and I were talking about kind of how we started as parents, and. And I was like, we've done a lot of growing up over the last decade, you know, 14, 10 to 14 years. And I was like, me especially. I feel like, especially now that I have kids moving into the teen years, I am getting to kind of go through a second stage of growing up right alongside with them. So that's cool, too. Like, it doesn't always feel good for a teen to point out something that I'm not being consistent or I might be hypocritical about, but I also kind of value that challenge. Like, hey, good point. Okay. [00:24:23] Speaker B: Right. [00:24:23] Speaker A: If I'm telling you I shouldn't use my phone in the car, then I need to put my phone away, you. [00:24:28] Speaker B: Know, like, yeah, yes, absolutely. It's felt like, well, one of the things that's been really fun and surprising in the last year or two so Tez is 19 now, and we kind of were like, what's that gonna be like when he's an adult? [00:24:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:42] Speaker B: How do you parent a young adult? [00:24:45] Speaker A: Tell me, Casey, how do you parent a young adult? I'm not there yet. [00:24:48] Speaker B: Well, it's been really great, actually, to, you know, by the time he was 16, 17, kids are really pushing for a lot of independence, and they're not ready for it, and they're not always ready for the level of independence that they want. And so that is just, you know, a push and pull for us with Tez. And now that he's 19, it's felt like we've entered a really kind of a new sweet spot where we get to be coaches in his life. We get to be a safety net and a support, but ultimately, his decisions are his decisions, and we get to champion him in that. And we are lucky in that he, at least right now, chooses to bring us when he's thinking about something or wants to go in a new direction. He's choosing to be really open with us about that, which we're very thankful before. But it's been really fun to feel like, okay, you can have this independence, but we still get to be, like, walking alongside you, which has been. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Which has been really great. I'm hearing a lot of connection and scaffolding that happened over those six years he's been with you. That's what I'm hearing in the background of that. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Yeah. I hope so. I think so. That was our. That was the hope. [00:25:50] Speaker A: Yeah. That's awesome. Well, tell me a little bit. You were talking about unique skill sets on your team, and I'm. I'm just thinking about professionals, you know, that are listening to this podcast and are thinking about. You know, we have all kinds of people that listen. So some people, they're intersecting with adoption and foster care in different ways or maybe aren't even connected to that world. But I love thinking about how there are certain skill sets that can be used in your organization that people may not have thought they could jump into the world of foster care and adoption just by using that skill set. So tell me a little bit about kind of the team that you have and how you're using people. Not necessarily. Like, I've always dreamed of being a social worker. I've always dreamed of being a pastor. I'm hearing, like, I took a wedding videographer and put him on my staff. So tell me a little bit about the skill set that have kind of helped your team thrive. [00:26:53] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So there are Seven of us on the team. And. And then we have a bunch of contractors in different states that we work with as well. And I think we have a pretty diverse. Yeah, pretty diverse skills across the board, where I'm sort of the. The classic, like, more entrepreneurial, a little bit like, spazzy, for lack of a better word, like, excitable kind of person. But then we have on our team, like, our director of operations is just like, whip smart. She's like a systems person. She's worked in various nonprofits. She has an adoptive brother, so a heart for this already, but just fantastic at systems. And then we've got our fundraising person who used to work for the Minnesota Orchestra, and she's. She's bringing her, like, fundraising mind. So we've got these diverse skill sets. But I think the thing that I really value about our team is that I knew when we were going to. Going to go in this direction and when it felt like it was time for our team to grow. The thing that everyone needed to have in common was joy and just really wanting to work with people who are joyful. And the child welfare space is a really. It's a hard space. And yet we choose hope and we choose to believe in healing for every kid. And so I want a team of people who prioritize and choose joy in. In their lives. And I think that has just led to us having, like, kind of the common thread throughout our team is joy and, like, silliness and fun. Like, we like to have fun together. And I feel like I'm really, really lucky in my role because we hear really, really hard stories and we hear, like, the absolute best stories, like heaven on earth kind of stories. Yeah. And like, that's such a gift to. To be able to be living in that. That part. And that's like the sort of the bread and butter for our team is like, we get to be a part of these kids finding family and family finding kids. So I would say, yes, this diverse skill set, but then this common thread of. Of joy and, like, fun. [00:29:09] Speaker A: That's cool. I hear that in what you do and how you do it. You know, you said earlier, kids cannot resist fun. And I wrote it down because I was like, oh, man. That's such at the core of what we teach our parents in terms of connecting. Like, you are using play to connect with kids, and that's so valuable. But it sounds like you use play to connect with each other as a team, which probably makes you stronger. [00:29:34] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so. I think that's something that we My husband and I noticed with our son, too, whenever we did have, like, disciplinary conversations, if we came to him with, like, hey, were frustrated and we needed to talk about something, he would get so. Just defensive and, like, it just wouldn't go anywhere. But specifically with my husband, I think there was something about him needing to hear from a man. If my husband could tease him and, like, play him. Play him out of a behavior a little bit. Like, it went so much better if we could just tee up the conversation with any level of, like, silliness or even if I didn't start it that way, but my husband could come in and be goofy. It would, like, flip the whole conversation. And so I think that that's been, like, really foundational in our family. And then, yeah, how we try to. How we try to be as a team, I think you have to be. I think playfulness and creativity are really deeply linked. And we do creative work, too. We're making. We're making stories, making videos. So we. We want to be, like, elevating those skill sets all the time. [00:30:36] Speaker A: Okay, Casey. I have to admit, like, I was a little bit scared to watch the first video from Real Hope. I was like, is this going to be, like, sharing a sob story and, like, too much personal information and not honoring? And so I, like, press play and was like, oh, please be good, you know? And, yeah, it. It was. What you're saying is what became evident on. On the. On the reel was like, you were playing with this kid. You were drawing out the best parts of them and, like, what made them come alive and, you know, what made them who they were and. And it was just so beautiful. It was awesome. So I can. I can tell, like, you guys are skilled in playing, to connect in that way, because it's coming out in the videos, and it. It. It didn't. Anyways, I. I had a preconceived idea that was. That was incorrect. And when I saw it, I was just so delighted. Like, oh, what a. What a wonderful video that just highlights truly the essence of who this kid is. Like, you really felt like you got to know this kid as if you'd been with him for a week already. Not when you're meeting for the first time. [00:31:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, Jesse, that is so encouraging to me to hear. I'm so glad that that came out. [00:31:50] Speaker A: Well, I'm sorry I prejudged it. It was like, you know, sometimes you get a little jaded in this field, and you're like, oh, no, what's this gonna be like? But it Was. It was just beautiful. [00:32:00] Speaker B: We got that skepticism a lot in the early days from social workers when we were trying to build some trust. There were a lot of social workers that were like, is this gonna be like a Sarah McLachlan in. Around, like, pity video, you know? Absolutely not. It will not be that. [00:32:15] Speaker A: Yeah, well, it's not. And so Casey's the real deal, y' all. I just. I. It. You built trust with me, and I can tell how you're building trust with the social workers and. And teens. That's just awesome. Um, what. Just for those of us who do have teens in our lives, or even just kids in general, how. What are some questions that you. You guys love to connect by asking kids? [00:32:40] Speaker B: Oh, that is such a fun question. Okay. Our videographers are so good at coming up with questions on the fly. Let me see if I can find something. [00:32:49] Speaker A: I mean, when you watch the video, you can see the result of those questions. You know, it's mostly the. The kid talking about what they love, and, like, there are funny things that they say, so you don't really hear the question being asked. Ask. But I'm like, oh, boy. Whatever they're asking them is definitely connecting. [00:33:06] Speaker B: Yes. We love to ask kids about. Well, we ask them about things that they love, which is always fun. And then we ask them about a lot of questions about, like, their hopes for their future. So it's like, what do you want to be when you grow up? Or lots of questions about, like, what is a parent's job? Like, help us. Help us know, like, what is a mom's job in a family? What is a dad's job? And to kind of hear them kind of think through that. Or. And then I. We also have just a team that's really good at kind of improvising on the fly. And so that's super fun. If a kid talks about, like, you know, they love. They love skateboarding. And then our videographers will be like, if you were going to build a skate park out of candy, what. Like, what would you explain it to me? And then you just get a kid, like, you just ask goofy questions. Or like, one of my go to questions, especially with teenage, like, middle school boys, this was always, like, this works every time. If you say, you know, they love basketball and they love football. And then we would always ask questions like, okay, if your school basketball team played against your school football team in soccer, I love it. To just have them, like, wrestle out, like, wow, the football players are bigger, but the basketball player. I love it. [00:34:19] Speaker A: Well, and you're getting them out of their head, too. Like, it's just kind of connecting and building that felt safety. And it's not about something deeply personal or scary or, you know, vulnerable. [00:34:31] Speaker B: Totally. [00:34:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:32] Speaker B: We do a lot of just, like, hanging out silly questions. And usually it's only a few questions that are really, like, more. They're all, like, thoughtful questions, but we try to be really wise with, like, how much emotion are we digging into with this kid? We're only with them for, like, an afternoon, you know, and so true. [00:34:51] Speaker A: Well, I can even hear the like. Like, the evolving of the question of, you know, who's your dream family to? What's a mom's job? What's a dad's job? Like, that's a more playful way to ask that question. You're going to get a better answer. And it's not vulnerable. It doesn't hit the way that that original question hit. [00:35:09] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah, exactly. We've done a lot to kind of structure the questions in a way that's as sensitive as it can be while still letting kids, like, really, really think and. Yeah. Share their hearts a little bit. [00:35:19] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm thinking about. You know, we talk about play personalities that we draw from Stuart Brown's kind of model in. In his book Here at. Etc. And we often point out, like, there's not just one way to play. Some kids are silly, some kids can tease and joke, and they love that so much. What do you do when you're trying to interview someone that's really not getting that style of play? You know, it's not. It's not connecting with them. Maybe they're, like, real serious and they're not a joker. What would you do to try and draw them out of their shell? [00:35:54] Speaker B: Oh, good question. I think there are. There's a few things that we've done. I think. I remember being on a shoot one time, it was two brothers, and one brother was really, really talkative, and the other had his head down on the table and would not look up. [00:36:08] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:36:10] Speaker B: Like, okay, what are we going to do? And so just very much like. Like, we're just here like this. This whole video shoot, the whole plan of it is to celebrate you. And, like, we just want to highlight, like, who you are. And. And so we kind of talked to the other brother and he kind of started teasing his brother, and, like, he kind of started trying to bring him out of his shell. And sometimes that's what we need to do is like, okay, who else is in the room? Is it the social worker is the foster parent and invite them into it if they're feeling a little bit shy about us as strangers. And sometimes it's like, change it up. We don't need to do this art project. Let's go on a walk or let's, you know, let's switch to a board game. Or I pull up a heads up on my phone and we'll, you know, play heads up or something like that. Yeah, sometimes kids just need to break, and sometimes the. The interview portion of their video lasts. Their kids who are just. They want to talk, and we'll talk for 45 minutes. And there's other kids that are like, you've got five minutes to ask me questions. And then I'm, like, done with this. And so a lot of it is kind of reading the room and really getting intel from the social worker on, like, what's going to be best for this kid's emotional energy. Should we do the fun activity first so they can get comfortable and then ask questions later? Or do we get the. The questions, the hard part out of the way and then we can just go play? And so we kind of defer to the social worker and the people who know the kid to make sure we can do that. [00:37:30] Speaker A: Well, that's awesome. [00:37:32] Speaker B: Another question, one of my favorite go to's for kids is just, if an alien landed right in front of you right now and asked you, what is a family? How would you explain to an alien what a family is? And that's really fun for them to kind of wrestle through. Like, okay, well, I guess there's these things called people, and they're, like, trying to. [00:37:51] Speaker A: I love that you've already given me like, a billion ideas for when I pick my girls up from school today, so thank you for that. I appreciate it. [00:37:58] Speaker B: These are all free, you guys. [00:38:00] Speaker A: That's awesome. All right, as we're wrapping up, I want to know how can. How can our listeners support real hope? I'm thinking of a couple of different ways you're probably going to throw out, but inevitably there's going to be that listener in a state that knows that there are kids that would love to have these highlights made of them. It's almost like, do you want a tribute to you on video? Like, I would love a video made of me. Like, come, come play with me and make my dreams come true for an afternoon. And no, I'm just kidding. You don't have to make a video about me. But anyways, if we have people that are in states that you're not serving in. Is there a way that they can connect with you? And also how can we best support Real Hope as listeners? [00:38:51] Speaker B: Love those questions, Jesse. Yes, I would say the states where we currently are in are Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, North Dakota, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho and Nevada. Yeah, those are the eight that we're currently in. [00:39:03] Speaker A: That was a very quick recall. Good job I can tell you. Thank you. [00:39:09] Speaker B: But we would love to be serving more kids across the country. So if you're a social worker in a state that I did not just name, we would love to connect with you. You can go on our website, it's the real hope project.org real is spelled with two e's like a movie reel and from there you can email us and we would love to get connected. We actually launched in Idaho, in Nevada because a social worker in Nevada heard me share on a PODC and then she got connected and was able to kind of move everything forward for us to get all of the legal permissions and everything in line to be able to serve Nevada kids. And now we're doing shoots for Nevada kids all the time. So would love for you to reach out. We would love to get started in your state outside of helping us launch in other states. We would love to get more, more exposure for these kids. And so if you know a family that's considering adoption, every kid on our website is actively right now awaiting adoption and so send families our. You can share. A lot of the reels are shared on social media. It depends on the kids safety concerns. So they're not all but that's one way to be helping families meet these kids. [00:40:17] Speaker A: If it's already been shared on social media, they can share, they can reshare it, right? [00:40:23] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. If it's already shared on social media, you can reshare. Exactly. So yeah, exposure for these kids. Invite us to your state and then, and then give to help us make these real. We're 100 privately funded. We don't get any, we don't receive any taxpayer funded dollars. It's all just through the generosity of people who believe in the power of stories and the, and the dream of a forever family for every child. So you can become a monthly giver on our website. You can give a one time gift. Every dollar helps us to get to more kids and fill more stories and. [00:40:55] Speaker A: Find more families as we close. I'd love to know how, what do you feel like is the power of changing our perspective shifting the narrative? What, what can, what, how can that change what's actually happening today? [00:41:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I Think it's. I think stories are one of the most powerful forces on earth. I think, like, there's a reason. In my mind there's a reason, like, the Bible is written as a story is because, like, that is the way that we learn things, the way we receive things and understand things. And I think for us to understand these kids is not a. A list of diagnoses or here are their challenges. Like, that would never be the way that I would want Jesse to introduce me to the listeners today is like, here's Casey, and here's a few of her issues would be, like, not. Not the way I want to be known to the world. But if there was a story. If Jesse told a story about me that highlighted some of the coolest parts about, like, the way that God has wired me, I would love that. I would welcome that. And I think, yeah, I think stories are the way that kids, especially understand the world and themselves. And so, yeah, we are just all about. One of our. One of our taglines is stories change the world. [00:42:06] Speaker A: I love that. It really does influence the way we understand ourselves. And I think it's such a powerful way to reflect back to a child, who they are. They know who they are, but they. We don't always tell ourselves the right stories. We don't always tell ourselves positive stories about ourselves. Um, so even for listeners who have kiddos who maybe are struggling with telling themselves, you know, a positive narrative, do you have any hope or encouragement for us? [00:42:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I think one of the things that was really fascinating about when our son first came home is we actually met him through real help. So we made his video in 2018 and fell in love with him on his video shoot. And. And one of the things that was really fascinating is that he, over and over again, just wanted to hear the story of. So you met me, and then you were like, why was it me? Like, why did you decide to move forward with me? And we told him that story probably multiple times a week for, like, the first few months that he was home. And you could just see the way that he was kind of. You know, you could almost see the neurons connecting in his making sense. Yeah. Yeah. So. And I think that even about, like, my little girls, sometimes they want to hear stories about things we've already experienced together. Like, tell me about the time we went to my cousin's house and we just did that yesterday. But, yeah, I'll tell you the story. And so I think telling kids stories where they are the hero of their story is such a powerful way for them to understand their own identity and the giftings that that have been put inside them. [00:43:42] Speaker A: That's that's so powerful. And thank you for that encouragement. It has been so fun talking to you. Casey, thank you so much for joining us today. And listeners will have links in our show notes as well, but I hope that you will connect with what Real Hope is doing. And thanks for joining us today. [00:44:01] Speaker B: Thanks, Jesse. [00:44:06] Speaker A: We hope you enjoyed the episode. If you're interested in learning more, head to empoweredtoconnect.org for our library of resources. Thank you to Kyle Wright, who edits and engineers all of our audio, and Tad Jewett, the creator of our music. On behalf of everyone at etc, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time on the Empowered to Connect podcast. In the meantime, let's hold on to hope together.