[E203] Wintering is The Gift We Really Need

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign welcome to the Empowered to Connect podcast where we come together to discuss a healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families and our communities. [00:00:18] Speaker B: Hey everybody, this is Tana here and I'm excited to be with Jesse and Becca today and at the time of this recording and when y'all are going to get this episode. We are in the dead of winter. So we're in January, which, you know, we're, we're located down in Memphis and it's not that horribly cold. But for many of y'all, if you're listening to this episode, right when it drops, y'all are in the dead, dead, dead of winter. So we want to talk a little bit about what is this idea of recovering in and taking life in seasons? So we, we talk sometimes about this word called wintering and what does it mean to winter and why do we need to winter? And for many, many of us, we are maybe still limping along from a busy holiday season and the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. And so we're going to talk a little bit about that. So why don't you, Jesse, kind of kick us off and tell me when you hear the word wintering or you think about this season in general, what comes to mind for you, especially as a mama? [00:01:25] Speaker C: Oh, well, I would say I'm probably a little untraditional in my extracurricular family activities in that we try and kind of keep things a little on the calm side. We don't have all, you know, all engines burning all the time. But especially in the winter, I'm really trying to power down. I want my people home before dark inside. I want the heat turned up. I've got like multiple electric blankets all over my house. You know, I, I keep my twinkle lights up way past when I'm supposed to because I love, I love that concept of hiccup and I'm constantly pursuing it during winter. So when you talk about wintering as a mom, I'm thinking it's kind of a little bit of that idea of like quieting powering down. I wouldn't say things get still because we have some ADHD in my house, but it's, we're doing, we're doing a lot of inside things and, and maybe a little less energy put to those things. [00:02:39] Speaker B: Becca, what comes up for you when you think about this idea of wintering? [00:02:42] Speaker A: Wintering is a new word for me. I had not heard it until more recently and, and I heard it before the holidays. And so it's something I've Been kind of trying to process, kind of like you said, Jesse, of like, even before the holidays, what could I opt out of? What could be slower? What does it, you know, it feels like it's, you know, like the last month has just been a blur of like, there's this thing on this night and there's that thing on that night, and it's all fun things and things that I love and things I enjoy. If you are an Enneagram person. My husband has a really strong enneagram7wings. So there's always excitement about doing, doing, doing. And so we've just come through that season of just. There's so much stuff happening. Uh, I think the idea of wintering for me is just a re. Rethinking what it means to rest in a different way. Whether that's in the midst of the hustle and bustle or now when we see it in the rearview mirror, like, looking, you know, looking ahead. Okay, it's mid January. I tend to be pretty hard on myself. So about this time of year, I'm like, I didn't get as much done as I thought I would. I'm behind on all my checklists. And so I think wintering is kind of a fight to go slow. Like, here we are, it's mid January, there's a. A great year ahead. And I'm. I feel confident that it will be a great year ahead. And how can I not make myself crazy? You know, how can I not like, take the hustle and bustle and just bring it straight into and just be so exhausted? So this time of year is. It's a tricky one. There's a. And there's just a lot mixed up in the holidays for me around grief and loss. And so here we are kind of looking at that in the rear view and how do I let myself breathe maybe would be my wintering. Wintering thing. But I'm excited to learn more about just the whole concept from. From you two. I feel like you two have brought it to. To the conversation to me this year. So it's something I've been thinking about a lot offline as we've talked in our friendship. [00:04:40] Speaker B: Right. Several years ago, I started using the word hibernating. It was like I felt myself just slowing down. And I mean, maybe a little differently than Jesse. Our family schedule is just as busy, but I do have some things I can control. Like I may not kick start a new project at work, or I might, you know, to your point, Jesse, like, get the house a little darker, a Little earlier, you know, get those pajamas on as soon as we all walk in the door after school and work, make those pots of soup, you know, stay in more on the weekends, like. And. And it's interesting watching those rhythms and thinking about that. What does it mean to follow the rhythms of. Of seasons? And, you know, my summer tana doesn't have to be my winter tana. Like, they can. They can. They can operate with a different level of power and energy. And. And in reality, like you said, Becca, rest, recover, repair. Like, I think that our bodies need. I think our bodies, our brains, our hearts, our spirits need time to recover. They. We need seasons of rest and recover. I mean, you might think about it as, like, a season of Sabbath or a season of recovery or a season of rest. And, you know, maybe. Do we give ourselves permission to do that? And if not, why, like, why is it hard to let ourselves do that? What. What are the barriers to saying yes to rest and recovery for y'all? And maybe if we just think about society or motherhood, if we just think about this as a mama, what is. What are we struggling up against there? [00:06:33] Speaker C: I think often in culture, I don't know about you guys, but I feel like I keep hearing, blank is the new December. So it's like. Or blank is the new May. People will say, april's the new May, October's the new December, November's the new. Everything is the new whatever. But what they're saying is life is getting busier and busier. And it makes me think about. Have you heard that term lifestyle creep? The idea that when you make more money in your income, your lifestyle creeps up to meet that income. So whereas, like, you know, a decade ago, if you were making the money you made in a job, now, you would have been like, oh, my goodness, we can save so much. But your lifestyle is always creeping to meet what you're bringing in. I feel that way with time, too. It's like we are just, like, allowing ourselves baseline to become more and more busier, and we're tolerating it versus being like, all right, enough of that. So wintering, for me, that idea is like, bringing my baseline down. Like, actually, no, I don't love to be that busy all the time. What level will I actually bring it down to? I think the obstacle, honestly, is the culture. There's always something to say yes to. There's always stuff to do. Even in my family, I have this conversation. One of my kiddos loves to be busy. She loves to be busy. And I recognize that in myself. I used to love to be busy, too. And so she'll often talk about, like, you know, how in a way, we're kind of holding her back. You know, she wishes she could be busier than our. Than our actual family culture is. And those are the kind of things that I'm always wrestling with of like, oh, am I giving her enough to do? You know, once she can drive herself, it'll be. It'll be a little. There'll be a little more freedom there. But, yeah, it's. Those are the things I'm going against is like, what. What level of busy feels good for our family? And how do I hold that with care and attention? [00:08:48] Speaker A: As much as it's, like, hard to say out loud? I mean, I think some of the barriers for me is a lot of internal pressure. I have a lot of internal pressure to perform and to exceed expectations and to, like, I'm just a pretty driven person. And so I think when I think about a season of wintering, that feels scary because what if I'm not doing blank enough? And so I think whether that's. What if I'm not a good enough? I mean, fill in the blank with all the things. What if I'm not a good enough employee if I slow down? What if I'm not a good enough wife? If I slow down? What if I'm not a good enough mom if I slow down? What if I'm not a good enough friend if I slow down, what if I'm not a good enough person that goes to my church community if I slow down? So there's a lot of, like, a desire to kind of be all things to all people, to do it all and to do it all, like A. Plus, I'm somebody who, like, loves to get an A. So I think for. For me or for people like me, there's a lot of. It's. I don't know how to describe it, although, if I had to, I might pick the word guilt. Like, it. When I rest, I feel guilty. I have to fight that. Like, it's an active internal fight. I know that I shouldn't feel guilty for resting. You know, I've read enough of the books, I've heard enough of the podcasts, but I still feel it. And so the barrier for me is the guilt is, well, if I. If I can just find a way to just do it. Keep going, keep pushing, go faster. If I feel behind on my to do list, like I just said a couple minutes ago, well, how fast can I catch up and Will people be amazed and be like, wow, you did that so fast. Like, so it's a lot of this internal dialogue for me when it comes to like the barriers that, that people face. I think some moms, some parents, some people are in a season where the demands are. There's really a lot of demands. So even if they're trying to rest, I think about our single parents and they just, they have a lot of responsibility. I think about even in a two parent household, if there's a lot of needs that the kids are facing. And so sometimes it's. The barrier is ex. Is internal like me, and sometimes it's external, like there's just a. Of things that actually have to happen for everybody to be okay. [00:11:06] Speaker B: So I appreciate where you went with that, Becca. Let's, let's kind of dive into that a little more. Because when what I want to be careful of is to not send them the message totally that recovery is absolute stillness in an empty schedule. Because I don't, I think that could be setting all of us up to either fail one or feel like the same. The same thing means recovery for everybody. And that, that isn't actually how I feel personally with my personality. [00:11:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:45] Speaker B: Wintering and, and even when I said like cozy and home and to me it also means people around my table and some parties that I throw and, and like intentional busyness, that is for like the, the beauty like celebration. Wintering is a little different for me and how I feel. So I wonder if we could talk about that a little bit. And that's kind of why I brought it. This brought up this idea of like Sabbath or we could even talk about play personalities which we've discussed on previous episodes, because what, what the heart of that really is, is what restores you. [00:12:31] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:12:31] Speaker B: So if we think about wintering as a philosophical concept of restoration, of restoring, of recovering what we've lost in a lot of output, then how that looks is like there's, there's no limits to how that could look and it surely is not going to look the same for any one person, any, any family. So when we think about what. Okay, that's great, y'all, but I can't not take my kids A, B, C and D or stop this or control their behavior or their meltdown. So how do I, in air quotes, winter slash recover. [00:13:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:13] Speaker B: When none of that stops. Yeah, then what? So for me, if none of that's going to stop, I'm going to make some choices very carefully with the margins, no matter how minute they are. And in different seasons, they've been really, really minute. And in other seasons, there's been more breadth and width. But I'm going to make two very intentional decisions for me personally, and I'd love to hear what. What comes up in y'all. One is, I'm going to make sure I sit down and literally prop my feet up, which means I need to stop standing or sitting at a chair with my feet dangling. Because doing that, to me is like. It's like a physiological. I am resting my body and I'm stopping action. And there was a season when I was trying to flip this switch that I set an alarm on my feet phone to put my feet out. It was ridiculous, but I did. And for, like, two months, I snapped a picture of my feet sticking out because I was trying to tell myself that I needed to stop. Stop movement, stop energy, stop output, and just take a breath, hit reset, hit recover. It could have been for one minute or two hours if I got. Was able to binge watch something after the kids went to sleep. It was the literal act of propping my feet. Y'all are very close friends of mine. You can know why that would be important for me, wouldn't you? Tana sat down and put her feet up. Okay. That to me, was an actual act of restoration and rest and wintering. Stop movement. But the exact opposite of that was, I'm going to throw some really big parties in my house. [00:15:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:05] Speaker B: And you know what? Before those really big parties, it is, like, crazy busy. I am doing extra stupid things. Like, I am just because I decided I wanted to hosted the entire sixth grade, which my kids go to a very small, private Christian school. There were just like 20 girls in. In the sixth grade. But I had the sixth grade girls over. And I didn't just have them over. I went ridiculously extra. Like, if there was an extra thing I could do, I did that extra thing. [00:15:33] Speaker C: I love this for you. I want you to come host the, you know, the fifth grade girls and the ninth grade girls at my house. But will you do it? [00:15:41] Speaker B: Make me so happy. And, you know, but I was having these weird, insecure thoughts about, like, I think I'm going too extra. I mean, are other parents going to feel like I'm being too much and like, they can't then have their kids over? Like. And I finally was like, stop it, Tana. This brings you joy. So I let myself do the thing that I knew I was. My body was going to be exhausted the next day, but my heart and spirit and mind was Just going to be like so filled to the brim. So to me that is actually wintering because I protected time to do something I don't normally get to do in the normal rhythm of the school year. So what comes to mind for y'all? Because those are two totally opposite things, but they're getting to the heart of the same thing because of my personality and wiring what comes up for y'all. [00:16:38] Speaker C: For me, I just have one prerequisite and it is in order to restore myself. The, the restorative thing is something that is just for me. So that could be alone or it could be with somebody I love. But it needs to be because I want to do it, not because I think they want to do it. Going back to the Enneagram, I'm an enneagram too. I'm often, often, often just social monitoring without thinking about it. I'm thinking about what people are feeling, what they're feeling, about how I'm behaving, how I need to behave to support them. And I just do this all day long without even thinking. And so I've learned the older I've gotten that sometimes, and a lot of times it means I have to be alone. I literally have to be around no one else so that I can actually think about what I would like to do. Without there, no one else is present so I can't think about them. That's what I've got. That's what I've got to do. So sometimes that means I think what would feel good is going for a run outside somewhere beautiful. I love like a beautiful aesthetic place. So like to go to a favorite park or go, go take a walk in the neighborhood across the street which has these beautiful old houses. Maybe it means going and eating some really good food by myself or with a friend or with my husband. Maybe it means sitting out on my porch and reading that good book that I've been tucking into and haven't had a lot of time to read. But I'm going to do it because I want to do it. Not because I think anybody else wants me to do it or because I think they want to do it. [00:18:25] Speaker B: I love that Jesse does that. Can I ask a follow up question? When you think about that insight that you've had about what it means to you to rest and recover, how does that play into maybe specifically this time of year? So like when I was visualizing my feet propping up, they were in front of the fireplace or cold and snuggly and I was snuggled in, which I Think I told myself to do that in the winter. And then I'm thinking about. I want to have these, like, holiday gatherings. So when you think about preserving that time for your desire, how does it look in this particular season of the year? [00:19:05] Speaker C: I was kind of silly before this current season we're in and actually did a little bit of preparation, a little bit of, you know, gathering my. My provisions for the season. Like someone who. [00:19:19] Speaker B: You're like, you're this like the squirrel gathering or a little. [00:19:21] Speaker C: I literally did. Went around the house and pulled out our coziest blankets and put them next to our best chairs that everyone likes to sit in when they're being cozy. I asked for. I started taking baths again as like a drop the kids off from school. I've got maybe 10 minutes before I need to switch gears and put my work hat on. And if I'm working from home that day, I will. I'll draw a bath and even just take a bath for like, five to 10 minutes. And so I asked for some little, like, bougie accessories for taking a bath for Christmas this year of like, could I. I just want some bath salts and some whatever and I. I tell Alexa to turn on massage music and I sit in the bath. This I've never heard of for like 5 minutes. I am a big believer of a restorative bath, y'all. I do. I will do this. I will do a. I call it a fancy bath. And in order to have a fancy bath, all you need is some music that soothes you, a fancy drink, and it could be just ice water and a cup that feels fancy to you. And. Did I say music? [00:20:30] Speaker A: You did. [00:20:31] Speaker C: Oh, I like to light a candle, so that would be my. Maybe my third element lights on or off. But a lot of times if my kids are acting like they've had a pretty full day, if they're acting squirrely, I'll draw them a fancy bath when we get home from school. Like, you want a fancy. Who's going to turn down a fancy bath? You know, it's like, do you want a fancy bath? Yes, I do. So I've started. I've started giving myself my own fancy bath in the morning. And I will eat breakfast in the tub with my. With my coffee and my massage music. [00:21:02] Speaker A: I love it. [00:21:03] Speaker C: And my peanut butter toast or whatever. I love that. It's just little things like that again. It's like it's something just for me. I'm not doing it for anybody else. I'm just doing it to. To nurture Myself. And so I. I went ahead and, like, squirreled away all those little things ahead so that I removed the obstacles to saying no to them. I also have, like, my cozy hat and my cozy gloves if I want to go take a walk, because I know the cold air will invigorate me. And so, like, if I have all the things I need to bundle up, I can go do that for five or 10 minutes, and I know I'll come back from that walk feeling rejuvenated. [00:21:42] Speaker B: I love that you just said a word that. Where you're nurturing yourself, which is not something we've said explicitly, but I think that's the heart of what we're talking about here, isn't it? [00:21:50] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:21:51] Speaker B: And. And it can feel really different. Becca, what. What about you? [00:21:54] Speaker A: When I think about your, like, what restores you? Question, I think something that I'm learning about myself is it just depends on the season. So for me, it's a. It's a lot of times what restores me is balance. So I have been in seasons where I lived alone. I was. And in the winter, if I was not actively making plans to spend time with people that I loved, I was getting really lonely, and I needed to seek out connection, and I needed to seek out a coffee date or a. Or let's go do this together, or, hey, does anybody want to go see Christmas lights with me this year? Because I want to do that. So in some seasons, it was more active, and then in other seasons where, like, it's just hectic and busy and crazy, I've needed to kind of like, hey, I'm going to set a time that I'm going to go sit at the bookstore and read a book, and no one's going to bug me, and I'm going to turn my phone off. Like, so I think that it's that balance that I was needing and just finding that. I really like that perspective, Tana, of It's not just always about slowing down. It's about restoring and rejuvenating and what do you need? And it's taken some time. It's taken some time to, like, learn what I need in different seasons. It's taken some time to even be able to say what I need and advocate for myself and negotiate those needs. But I think when I think about winter, it back to what we talked about last episode, if you missed it, go back and listen to it. I have to reflect first and go, okay, what do I need now to be restored? And then I have to take those steps to Move towards it. I Jesse, I love that you were already like, you're asking for the bath stuff at Christmas. You're getting the cozy. I love that you're planning in advance because that's just so beautiful. Like to me that would be okay. I'm some kind of weird, you know, people ask if you're an introvert or an extrovert. I'm somewhere weirdly in the middle where I have to have a balance. If I spend too much time by myself, it's really hard. But if I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted. So for me, a lot of this has to do with relationships with people. What is the healthy relationship rhythm for this season? What do I need there? [00:24:09] Speaker B: So, so we, we all of us are operating and I'm sure a lot of our listeners are operating in the realm of, of parenthood. And so when we think about this idea of nurturing ourselves and resting in recovery, we can, we can receive the messages that we shouldn't do it or it's selfish or there's no time or there's no margin. We've hit on some of that. But let's talk about how do we negotiate our needs and how do we negotiate our needs while still meeting the needs of our children, our family and our responsibilities, jobs, those kinds of things. But how do we negotiate our needs either with our spouse or parenting partner or maybe our support system? So if you're parenting alone and you have, you know, a few people to support you, well, let's talk about that because I think that sometimes is where we can wish and want to do the kinds of things we're talking about. But very often the next thought is if I do blank, somebody's going to suffer or I'm not going to be fulfilling my responsibilities or you know, I'm opting out. Just let's what, let's talk about that. [00:25:25] Speaker C: I want to take us back to. I don't. It's probably been about 14 years ago, Tana, when I was a brand new mom and I had, we had just adopted our first child who was a year and a half of little Busy Bee. And I had just started staying home with her full time. I had had a full time paid job the year before and then she became my full time job. And I remember, Tana, you mentored me in this area in terms of you're like, okay, so when are you taking time for yourself? And I remember like bursting into tears of me like, what are you talking about? I don't have any time to myself. I'm with her all the time. It's like when I'm with Nick in the evening and you're like, yeah, but you're with Nick. Like, when are you spending time by yourself? And I'm like, I literally don't. Like she's in the bathroom with me, you know, like. And you encouraged me in that season to take, to ask, to ask Nick for one night off a week. And I did and negotiated those needs. And I remember, remember I went to, we had a local bookstore with a little restaurant inside and I went and treated myself to dinner every week. And I took a book and I read a book and treated myself to dinner. It felt so luxurious to have. It was probably like an hour and a half. I stayed out until after I knew he was done with bedtime. And then I came and then I came home. But it was so restorative to me. And then I've taken that, I've taken that concept through. I remembered dealing with the guilt with it in the beginning when Tana encouraged me to do it. It was like, well, well, Nick's busy. He's working full time hours all day long and then coming home and you're like, it's different. It's different because he's not with your child all day long, you know, like, and if he needs some time, then let him negotiate. You were like, listen, she's not in school all day long, Jesse. She's with you all day long. And, and getting me to think about that in the, and kind of get outside of myself for a second and look at what was reasonable and think about what I needed that was so valuable to me. So I've taken that through so many different seasons. Then being a mom of two and having a little one at home and one in school, and that little one being pretty critically ill for a while and going through a life saving organ transplant, that was a pretty stressful time. And even, even taking those times during that season often looked like literally sitting in a hospital cafeteria with a cheese and grape container that I bought from the cafeteria for like 30 minutes and just like looking out the window, but truly being able to be restored in that moment. So I think I've taken that through all years and seasons of parenting so far just in terms of like, it's not selfish to get what I need in order to keep doing what my family needs, you know, because I think the danger is that we can listen to this voice that tells us that we need to burn ourselves out or to, to become a martyr to just like, truly just die on the hill of motherhood or parenthood. But that serves no one. It doesn't serve ourselves, but it doesn't serve our kids. I mean, when I live that kind of life that I'm not becoming refilled or restored, I end up snapping at my kids and being cruel and ugly and resentful. And I need it. I needed those moments, even if they were little micro moments, to be filled again so that I could pour out. I love that. [00:29:20] Speaker B: Thank you, Jesse. [00:29:20] Speaker A: Becca, when I think about how do you negotiate those needs and all the different scenarios that you described, Tana, it takes a lot of vulnerability because whether you're a single parent, whether you have a spouse, whether you have one kid or six kids, you're gonna have to be vulnerable and say, hey, I need. Fill in the blank. Hey, I need a night off like Jesse said. Or, hey, I need five minutes in the morning where I can just sit with my coffee or. And so there's vulnerability in that. And you might have to ask a couple different people a couple different ways, a couple different times like, it. It may be that you do struggle to find. Find people to support you because there is a reality of, like, you're caring for someone else and those needs are important. And so how do you negotiate your needs and the needs of your family? So I think, yeah, my first thought is, man, that's vulnerable. You have to really be able to say, hey, I need help. And a lot of us have a really hard time saying those words or taking action on them. Yeah. The other thing I'm thinking about, which you guys have both done a good job explaining, kind of the whole time is just a lot of times we think the only thing that's going to restore me is a week trip to the Bahamas. Right? Like, wouldn't that be lovely? When the reality is maybe we can find five or 10 minutes. I'm going to say something which is going to sound judgmental, and I don't mean it to be judgmental. You can look at my own phone. I am. I am this person. But how many of us, if we looked at our screen time app on our phone, are finding hours and hours and hours of time every week? Sorry, I'm saying it to myself. Too true. We're finding those moments to scroll. And I'm not saying that there's no place for mindless scrolling as part of your recovery. Recovery. But if I'm honest and I look at the hours and hours and hours on my phone, I'm like, oh, wow, what if One of those hours, instead of scrolling, I did something else with like grab the cozy hat and go on a walk or sit and look at the fireplace instead of the TV or fill in the blank, read a book or just sit quietly like what, what are the things might actually restore me. I think that there's not a one size fits all. But I think that we're finding those five minute pockets whether we would like to admit it or not. And I think we can just choose maybe what are a few places in my week where I could choose something else with that. With that being said, one of the things that my husband does to take care of himself is when he gets home from work, he sits in the car in the garage for 10 to 30 minutes, usually scrolling, and he decompresses from the day before he steps inside and he does it every single day. And we, I know that he needs that time and he knows that he needs that time. And it's not something we like bicker over. It's like we have learned over time that he's a teacher and as you can imagine, there's a lot of stress that he's walking home with. So if he can sit quietly in the car and he does it other places too, like he'll go, he'll. Anywhere that he goes, he'll just sit in the car for a moment before transitioning in. So what are those transition moments for you if you're tagging in as the second parent, you know, if you're tagging in with parenting or if you're tagging into your workspace or whatever the case may be, like, what are those little things? But don't tell yourself that you can't recover because you can't go to the Bahamas because like, same me either. Wish I could. Wouldn't that be nice? But we can, we can find those little pockets if we can be vulnerable to ask for help because their responsibility of parenting is huge. Like, there it is, it is big and it is important. And you're like, when you got your one and a half year old kiddo 14 years ago, like someone has to be with her. And so what does that look like? [00:33:15] Speaker C: Right. Can I add something too? It's very, this is very much my personality. But I think maybe it might strike a chord with some of our listeners. Nobody else knows what you need. And that's a hard one for me. I really, really want my spouse to guess what I need and offer it to me. I really want my support system, the community that I have around me, that is my Tribe, I want those people to guess what I need. And there have been really brilliant, sweet moments when that's happened. When a friend dropped a hot chai by my doorstep and said, open your door, you know, or someone said, hey, do you want to go for a walk? But for the majority of humankind, we're all just trying to get through our day. Right? And so I, I appreciated, Becca, that you talked about, like, knowing your relational needs. And I think often I'm like, oh, I just wish someone would invite me to lunch. Watch. I'm gonna get like, five invitations to lunch. [00:34:18] Speaker B: Yes. [00:34:19] Speaker C: So you could. Should go on a podcast and talk about how you feel sorry for yourself. No, everybody's just. Just getting through their day, right? So be the one. Be the one to set up the lunch. My husband's so good at this. He texts people as soon as he thinks about them and, and has like these connections with people from years past because he's just reaching out. It's like, be the one to reach out. Um, so I guess I want to encourage you, you know, if you're listening and you're like, oh, I just wish my husband would give me a night out, or like, I'm a single parent. I wish someone would offer that to me. Like, you're probably going to be. Have to be the one. And it's okay to ask. I know we hate needing things, but we all need something. And maybe it's the situation where you could swap, you could offer, you know, a one for one situation, but it's up to you to get what you need. [00:35:14] Speaker B: I love that. I think, I think that's probably where we could land this, this particular conversation, to be honest, because in reality, what we're advocating for when we think about this idea of wintering and rest and recovery, is an honest, vulnerable acknowledgment that we have the need to rest and recover and restore in however we can in different seasons and circumstances and situations and limitations. And when we think about this idea of doing it and maybe it not benefiting our family, it. It will, because you're going to be better. You're going to be rested and restored, and you're going to be able to respond and show up and practice presence and do all this really good connected parenting stuff that we want to be able to do because you're. You are at least. Even if it's literally just a five minute moment of reset. The other thing that we haven't really talked about that I think is really beautiful and is sort of wrapped up in this is. We're also modeling for our children that needs are okay. [00:36:30] Speaker C: Yes. [00:36:32] Speaker B: And I'm thinking that we want them to know that we are humans with limitations and needs and that within a family structure, we can get those needs met. [00:36:47] Speaker C: Yep. [00:36:48] Speaker B: And it doesn't have to hurt anyone to get your needs met. So how can we not lose ourselves in the middle of this thing called motherhood and parenthood? And how can we show our, you know, young children and adolescents and young adults that having needs is something we can celebrate? And that part of beautiful, connected relationships is negotiating those needs and supporting them by meeting them or allowing them to be met. And I think something really beautiful is fostered right there in that attachment relationship family dance. Any closing thoughts in response to that? [00:37:36] Speaker C: Amen. That's my response. [00:37:38] Speaker B: Amen and Amen. [00:37:39] Speaker A: Becca Just start small. I just think if you're hearing it and it's hard to know, we say this so much, but we say it because it's true. Just start small. Ask someone for 5 minutes, put down the phone for 10 minutes, just find the small pockets and your kids are going to pick up. They're going to. It's going to be part of your family culture over time. We're a family that takes care of each other, that cares if we're all doing well. So just start small. [00:38:09] Speaker B: Well, thank you all for this conversation today. I know I've needed it and I've needed the permission to go cozy up and snuggle and put my feet up at the fire. So I appreciate y'all. Until next time. [00:38:24] Speaker A: We hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, the best way to support us going forward is to subscribe. We'd love to hear from you, leave a review, drop us a comment, or email us to let us know what you hope to hear in future episodes. Thank you to Kyle Wright, who edits and engineers all of our audio, and Tad Jewett, the creator of our music. On behalf of everyone at etc, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time on the Empowered to Connect podcast. Until then, we're holding on to hope with.