[E202] Why Re-Adjusting Is The Answer To Your Resolution Nightmares

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:04] Speaker B: To the Empowered to Connect podcast where we come together to discuss a healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families and our communities. Hello, everyone. We are here with Becca, Tana, and myself, Jesse. And we are interested in talking about New Year's resolutions. I would love to know how you guys feel about New Year's resolutions. [00:00:31] Speaker A: I don't want to have this episode. Okay. [00:00:37] Speaker B: You might have seen the word nightmare is in our title. And so tell me, do you have nightmares? [00:00:43] Speaker A: Yeah. We started talking about this idea and I was like, I do not like the idea of a resolution. I am entering into my 51st year of life, which means I don't know what year I would have started thinking about that. When do we think people start thinking about resolutions? Maybe like middle school or high school. I'm not gonna try to math today. I have no girl math brain in me today, but I think I have, like, never met, like, very many of my resolutions ever. So I am not a huge fan of that idea. Probably because it induces, like, a sense of deep shame or failure or like, it does not bring up happy emotions inside of my body. So I am not a fan now. Y'all can have different thoughts about that. This is just my wiring my personality. I am not a resolution gal. And I gave myself permission in and out a long time ago. I replaced it with something else. We can talk about that a little bit, but. [00:01:42] Speaker B: Oh, I look forward to talking about that, Becca. First tell us. [00:01:45] Speaker C: My middle school and high school, Becca loved a resolution. I mean, got the new notebook with the new pen, wrote it all down. Probably like 10 resolution. It was like so much extra. Somewhere between college and adulthood, I started to just. Yeah, it just feels like a. It feels like you're lying to yourself at some point. You're like, this is not real. So I think I've. I've shifted more now. Like, if I have goals I want to accomplish, I try not to wait for the new. It used to be like, let's wait for the new year. That'll be the time whenever I fill in the blank. And so I like having a goal. I like having something to work towards. But I think the New Year's resolution just really set me up to feel like a failure for a lot, a lot of years because you just never. I just never could stick with it. So. But I used to love them. I used to get super excited about them. You know, the ten point, ten point bulleted, whatever. [00:02:39] Speaker A: Did you accomplish them, though? Maybe there was. Maybe that was it. Maybe you were Setting them. [00:02:46] Speaker C: No, I didn't know that's what I'm saying. It like, just made me feel like a failure because you can never. You can get excited about it, but, like, life is going to happen and you're just going to get busy. So. So I'm not curious. [00:02:57] Speaker B: What kinds of resolutions were we making here in our young years, guys? [00:03:02] Speaker C: Oh, gosh. [00:03:03] Speaker A: Oh, that's a really cute idea. I don't, I don't remember. I just remember the feeling of being like, this is ridiculous. I. I think if you know me, you know, like, I don't even like to, like, I don't like to be boss and I don't even really like to boss myself. So somehow it was this like, externalized list of bossiness or something. I don't know. Like, it just like, was offensive. [00:03:27] Speaker C: Ok. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Okay. I feel like we need to talk about motivations too, as we're talking about this. Because that's what I'm thinking of when you're talking about this, Tana, is what I know about you and your motivations. Like there are. And if you can get into this, it's a whole book. And, and Gretchen Rubin has, has developed this idea. So y'all go Google it or read her book. Just free shout out to her. We love you, Gretchen. Um, but she has this idea that like, we are. We've got different people are motivated by different things. And Tana, tell us what you learned about yourself through. Through her framework. [00:04:04] Speaker A: I've learned I'm a mess because I'm not internally or externally motivated. Like, I can't motivate myself and I can't really be motivated by others. I have to, like, trick myself into it or just like catch a vibe or catch a. Catch a feeling and go for it. So I think I was attempting to externally, like, motivate myself by putting something on a piece of paper. [00:04:23] Speaker B: But you can't. And then a boss yourself. [00:04:25] Speaker A: The boss of me. [00:04:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:28] Speaker A: These resolutions aren't my boss anyway. [00:04:31] Speaker B: I love these people so dearly. I love you guys. I just. I love you so much. I just love you so much. And I know these. [00:04:38] Speaker C: How do you feel about resolutions? [00:04:39] Speaker B: I'm curious. [00:04:40] Speaker A: What do you. [00:04:41] Speaker B: What would you guess is my feeling about resolutions? I know I'm being. [00:04:49] Speaker A: Like them. [00:04:50] Speaker C: At least Young Jesse, I think, was a big fan of the resolutions. [00:04:53] Speaker B: I actually still like them. Yeah, I thought y'all would guess correctly. You guys know I love structure and I'm very goal oriented. People that know me know I'm very goal oriented. So even recently, this winter in Memphis, we've had a big event that happens in our city, which is St. Jude throws a marathon weekend. And y'all, I have run. I just ran my 13th race. And I love the half marathon because it is just a set. It's just a checklist. You just run through that checklist, and then your body magically can run a half marathon. It's so amazing. [00:05:31] Speaker A: I would like to pause and I would like to say, you can run through the checklist. [00:05:35] Speaker C: You can do it. [00:05:36] Speaker A: Bonnie can magically run the race. I'm not so sure this applies to everyone. [00:05:43] Speaker B: Jesse, do you want this to be your New Year's resolution? Tana? [00:05:45] Speaker A: No, I do not, but thank you for ask. [00:05:48] Speaker B: I just. I'm super goal oriented. I just told someone that this morning. I told a medical provider in an appointment. I was like, listen, I'm a role follower. I will follow. Boss me, please. I'm very external, Lee motivated, and I can boss myself. Although if somebody else is bossing me, it's even better. [00:06:05] Speaker A: So I have another little thought that's crossed my mind, because I think this is related. And then we can sort of dig into this. I don't know if we've ever shared this on the podcast. So if. If we have, y'all, please forgive me for being a little redundant. So Becca and Jesse and I have worked together for many, many years, and somewhere along the line of, like, working on projects, we came to realize something. [00:06:27] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:06:27] Speaker A: And I think it is relevant here. [00:06:29] Speaker B: It's. [00:06:30] Speaker A: I'm seeing this in a new light. So we discovered that when we're doing projects that I. I really love to, like, iterate and conceptualize a concept or an idea or a project or an event. Fill in the blank. I like the idea of it. And then maybe even like, the planning. I really love the planning. And then somewhere when we start execution, I'm starting to sort of burn out a little bit. And then, by God's grace, there's somebody here that really enjoys the execution for at least a little while. And that would be. [00:07:09] Speaker C: That's me. I like to do it like, let's take the idea, let's flush it out. Let's make it happen. How do we get from A to Z and then somewhere close to Z, like, maybe around the W range, I just start to get exhausted and I can't think anymore. [00:07:25] Speaker B: And so then that's when I swoop in, guys. I'm the closer, and I come in. I love to finish a project. It is my favorite part of any Project. Although I do get excited about kicking them off. I like new ideas, but finishing the project, I live for it. [00:07:41] Speaker C: Jesse loves it so much that in our work culture, she has instituted project graduations, where we actually have meetings to attend with pomp and circumstance. And we graduate projects, which is so fun. It's like, such a cool ritual that we get to do. [00:07:55] Speaker B: I love it. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Don't you think this plays into how we feel about resolutions? [00:07:58] Speaker B: For sure. [00:07:58] Speaker A: Because I'm like, let me have a really fun idea to your point, Becca. Buy a cute planner. Get a new organizer. I mean, last year I, like, forgot who I. I was. I literally forgot who I was. [00:08:10] Speaker B: We all forget who we are. [00:08:12] Speaker A: This, like, paper planner and thought that I would, like, cut magazines out. [00:08:17] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:08:17] Speaker A: And, like, collage every month or something. I literally was like, I forgot it was. [00:08:25] Speaker B: That was your. [00:08:26] Speaker A: You know what? [00:08:26] Speaker B: That was Pinterest. [00:08:28] Speaker A: It was Pinterest Tana. And then real Tana showed up. [00:08:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:31] Speaker A: January and February are strong, and I petered out in March. And then I'm like, what was I thinking? But I guess if I'd handed my planner to Becca, she would have managed March through, I don't know, October or so, maybe September. And then Jesse would have been like, I could have done it from January. [00:08:52] Speaker B: So great. Because this is so great, because when I, like, I get so excited in, you know, around August, I'm like, I'm going to get my plan on the calendar for the half marathon, and I put all my mileage on the dates when I'm going to run them. And then somewhere in the middle of it, I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore. I have no time. So, Becca, if you could just come in and run those middle miles. [00:09:15] Speaker C: Yeah, I probably won't, but my husband does like to run so he can. Rico. Rico and Jesse's run club. [00:09:20] Speaker B: Perfect. I love it. Okay, well, I think it's important to. To talk about how we feel about resolutions and listeners. You're probably identifying with at least something you've heard in here. You know, maybe you're like, yes, I love to make them every year. Also, I do want to say, as a. As someone who loves finishing a project, I. I maybe view resolutions a little untraditionally, which is why they have stuck with me. [00:09:47] Speaker A: Talk to me about that. What does that mean? [00:09:50] Speaker B: This is why we're going to talk about reflecting and readjusting and. So let's. Let's go into this. But I'm. [00:09:56] Speaker C: I. [00:09:57] Speaker B: The older I'm getting, I mean, I think obviously all of our idealistic versions of ourselves, or most idealistic versions of ourselves, you know, I had the big grandiose plans for my year. This year I want to be healthy. It's like, what does that even mean? Or you'll make these giant goals that like, you know, until you break them down into smaller goals, there's no way that that's going to work or happen. I remember one year in my 20s, I wanted to drink more water. And it was like a very vague plan. And I started off strong like everyone does, and then I didn't, I didn't. I did nothing all year long. And then I remember the last week of December being on a trip with some friends and being like, I, it's the last week of December, I gotta drink more water before the year's over. And they're like, that's not how it works. I was like, yes, it is. I will accomplish this goal. And if I am drinking more water on December 31, by then it counts, you know, so it was like, trick yourself, you know, instead of doing it the first week of the year, you could do it the last week. And it still counts. The, the further I've gotten into it, it's more like, I don't have to have a word every year. I don't have to. I don't even have to do the same thing every year. But I just want to think intentionally about my life. How am I feeling about my life? And I think there are some natural points throughout my year when I do this reflecting and readjusting that we want to talk about in this, in this episode. One of them happens around the turn of the year from, you know, turning the calendar from one year to the next. That's. That's a time when it naturally happens for me. I also think a little more intentionally about how I feel about my life. And, you know, what are some things that I love and what are some things I'd love to change? And thinking about the people in my life, I think about that maybe at the end of the school year, the beginning of the school year, I think about my birthday's in July. So that tends to be like a mid year resolution. As I turn in a new age, there are these checkpoints in my year that I tend to kind of just take stock for a second and think about, like, all right, is there anything I want to readjust? And this is what we want to talk about today, why readjusting is really kind of the answer to the resolution nightmares that we have I want to hear from Tana. Tell, tell us a little bit about what you have changed and as you've gotten older. [00:12:31] Speaker A: I think I, I appreciate what you're saying, Jesse, because I think that's what resonated with me somewhere along the way. I think to resolve something is like such a powerful word. [00:12:45] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:12:45] Speaker A: And words have a lot of meaning. And so I think as a, as a mama who appreciates a fairly high level of control and if like I really value control and I've had to learn through a lot of years and struggle to release a lot of that control. So this idea of resolving is like such a, to me, man, you're like committing and that's going to be the thing that wins. [00:13:15] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Over other things. And so I'm just really careful to make a lot of resolutions. I mean, we've without like going into a ton of our like family history, but we've gone through a lot of seasons. I mean we've been parenting 24 years, we have six kids. They're all incredibly different. They've had their own life challenges and situations and circumstances that Mo and I have been walking alongside them. And for me to stand even outside of them and make a resolution just feels like, man, that to me is like kind of digging my heels in on something where what I value is relationship and well being. So how, to your point, can I take that heart of like, I want wellness and well being for myself and my family and my children. How can we collaborate, work together, maybe set smaller goals that are more flexible so that I can achieve well being in the middle of being in a situation in a family where I don't have a high level of control. So it was like a releasing of something that happened in those early years of parenting. And I think I was just pushing so hard up against this idea of resolution. I joked at the beginning of the episode about like my personality, like, but there's, but I was trying to like boss the boss. The resolution in the family and the situation, the circumstance for whatever I put on a piece of paper. So I think I, I value intentionality. I think if you've listened to us for any measure of time, you're going to see that that's the heartbeat of our organization or the way we see is like intentional relationship. So how do we readjust, how do we realign? How do we even recover or sort of redeem or those, those ideas of like, make it, make a small incremental change with a bigger goal in mind, but be real open handed on if that doesn't go your way. So I think maybe I can't do resolutions because I'm practicing release. Maybe that's what feels right to me today, is like, that's what's going on in my life. Like, that's maybe the bigger story there. [00:15:50] Speaker C: I think what I am resonating with in this conversation is the idea of seasons. So as a kid, I grew up overseas. My parents worked there, and it was a lot. It was a lot of transition. It was a very transient. People came to the country where we lived for a year or two and then they would leave. But my family was different because my dad is different. My dad moved us there, and we were in the same apartment, and he had the same job pretty much for my entire childhood. So I always imagined myself, I'm going to find the thing that I want to do and I'm going to have this job and I'm going to do it for 30 years like my dad did, and I'm going to have this life and it's going to look this way. And that is just not at all how my life has turned out. We don't have time to, like, talk through the transitions, but there's been a lot of transitions in my young adult life. A lot of changes, a lot of things that are really beautiful and different jobs and different opportunities and different things have come through. So what I'm resonating with is I think the reason middle school and high school Becca loved a resolution is because I did have this mindset of, well, you can just pick what you want to do and you can just do it. And I think what I'm embracing now is those checkpoints I like. I don't. I'm very goal driven, so I'm not letting go of goals. But I think it's. I've shared on the podcast before, something that Rico and I instituted when we first got married was every six months, we're going to just go to the guy that did our premarital counseling, and he almost always asks the same two questions, what do you want more of? What do you want less of? And we just sit and we just process. What do we want more of? What do we want less of? And it's like, we could have done that one time, but doing it every six months brings up seasons change, jobs change. Outside of work, things change, responsibilities change. So I like the idea of having these moments to reflect and readjust, to work towards what it is that we want, whether that's healthy relationships, healthy bodies, healthy families, healthy, you know, well, being is something that you said, Tana, that I resonated with. But so I just like the idea that this is a great time of year to reflect on the adjustments that you want to make, give yourself checkpoints, like, when are you going to check back in and see? Because there are going to be rhythms that change just based on how old your kids. Are they in school or not? What is the work demands? Is it a busy season or a slow season? All those things. So I. I think that I'm learning from my friends, my community, my husband, that it's not so black and white. It's not so set in stone, like things are going to change. And so what are the rhythms? Is another word that we use on the podcast a lot or the rituals. How can we embrace this idea of reflect and readjusting as just part of our yearly rhythm? Like you said, Tana, instead of getting so stuck on what I wrote down that I'm gonna, like, end up being worse off because I'm just so stuck on this idea that I wrote down one time when I was feeling great in December 29th or whatever it is. [00:18:54] Speaker B: The word that's coming to my mind when I'm listening to y'all is momentum. This idea that a lot of times when we set a resolution, it's like a record scratch. Like, I will stop what I'm doing and do something totally different. And like, this idea that you're talking about of, like, not getting stuck on these plans that we just, like, lay over our lives and our families, like a. Like. Like we. Like, we are going to be different people. Yeah. Or like. Like Tana was describing, like, I was a. I thought I was going to be a different. Still the person we're. We're still the person we are. January 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, you know, December 31st. It's. It's this idea of, like, a readjustment or reflecting is moving with the inertia of your life. You know, like, what is happening and what do I want more of or less of? Those are great questions. It's not like, record scratch, like I'm a new person now, but more of like, oh, man, you know what? I would really love to think about more or you know what? I would love to just adjust just a little bit so it felt better. I think this is a normal way of thinking for me from day to day and week to week, which is probably why y'all told me to host this episode. But, yeah, I don't. What. What helps you be intentional as you think about those things in your lives. [00:20:28] Speaker A: When you say momentum, y'all know me. I'm such a visual person. So I had this idea of, like, a river flowing. And, you know, maybe when we're thinking about this readjustment, if you're a visualizer, you could think about it, like, you're going to build a little. A slight little dam to just, you know, shift the flow of the water a slightly more intentional direction. So it's not that there's a lack of intention. There is intention. It's just not like you're not damming up the river and making the flow go a totally different way. That's like, outside of your personality or your family's rhythms or the flow of your life. It's like, we can't. We don't want to just meander along. We do want to. Man, I love those questions, Becca. Like, I wrote them down. Thank you for going to therapy so that Jesse and I and all of our listeners can benefit those two beautiful questions. Because you don't just ask those questions and answer them and do nothing about it. You're asking those questions to, like, discover, like, what's your desire? Like, what do you desire more of? And then you are going to have to take some intentional steps towards that, or it's not going to just happen on its own. [00:21:51] Speaker B: Right. [00:21:52] Speaker A: So this is where I am, you know? [00:21:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:56] Speaker A: Now this is it. Because there is beautiful freedom and rest in that visual. I'm hanging down a river. I'm. I have some ability to control some things. Maybe I can slightly bend the flow of the water that way. Maybe that's going to work, maybe it's not. So there's an ease. I'm after. I'm after. I'm after a gentleness that's gentle to myself, that's gent. That's kind to me and my limitations and my capacity and myself. I. I want to be kind to my spouse. I want him to feel my kindness, and I really want my kids to experience that. [00:22:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:44] Speaker A: So how do we think about the family flow? [00:22:48] Speaker B: I love that. [00:22:49] Speaker A: And individually and collectively, I know this is a very, like, philosophical conversation, I love, but I think it almost has to be because it's so different for everybody. [00:23:01] Speaker B: It is. And a lot, I think, a lot of times we don't think about how the intentions that we set, the goals that we set, are going to impact the people in our families. Because there are so many things that we can't control. You know, it's like, okay, guys, we're all going on a whole 30, like, cold turkey. That's a big change for an entire family. For example, I'm thinking about, I'm of a certain age, and if you're of the certain age that I am, then perhaps you've heard the term A1C before. And now I am at the age where I'm, like, checking my A1C levels, everything. Three months. But it's. I'm thinking about it in those terms, too, Tana. In. In the sense of, like, I go get my. My A1C levels checked, which are checking how many times my. My insulin has spiked. My glucose has spiked over a period of three months. You can't just change that the next day or the next month. You have to ch. Change it over a period of three months at a time. And I feel like this is kind of what the three of us are talking about with. With age and wisdom, you realize you can't just make a change overnight. Like, these things take time. And so it's okay to want to make healthy changes, whether it's for your physical bodies or your emotions or your minds or your spiritual wellness, it's okay to want to make changes. But we can't just snap our fingers and make a goal and then just be there. So how can we involve the people in our lives? How can we involve our families as we kind of take these reflective and readjusting moments? [00:24:49] Speaker C: I think it takes time to kind of. I think that we can build it into our family cultures over time. Like, I think you can build. I think parents can model for their kids. Hey, we're checking in on ourselves every so often, and here's some adjustments that we're going to make. And it could be something so small. It could be like, hey, mom and dad are going to start going on a walk on Friday afternoons. So those are going to be times that we're going to take a walk. But, like, modeling means not just doing it, but, like, if your kids are a little older, having the conversation, bringing them into that. And then I think that you can model it in big and small ways. Like, I think you can as a family. It is a. It's a new year. Let's say we want to eat together at the table more often. I don't know. I'm like, I know my siblings have made that goal together. And instead of it being, like you said, the whole family's doing a whole third. Like, instead of it being like a punishment for everyone, like, hey, I want to know how you're doing. I want to know what it's like for you in this school year with your friends and with your teacher. So this is what that's going to look like and just kind of involving them in the conversation and being gentle with everybody because inevitably you're going to have the best laid plans and then something is going to happen that you didn't expect. This whole idea of control that we keep coming back to. So I think what shows your reflecting and readjusting is a willingness to be flexible but involve your kids into the conversation. Like what are the things that you want to do? I mean, part of the reason that I loved goals as a kid is because my mom and dad were very goal driven. They wrote goals down, they followed those goals and I picked that up from them. And I don't think that that was a bad thing to pick up. I actually like really love that middle school Becca had her little notebook of things. I think what I've learned is just the nuance and the grace that comes with that. But I love that they modele. I wouldn't have done that if I hadn't seen them doing their goals and making progress and checking in so that I don't know. I feel like it's slowly you just infuse it into the culture of your home through the conversations, through the adjustments that you make, letting them know, like it's okay to, to try something and make a change. Like this is going to sound so silly, but I'm thinking of a different episode where we were talking about this idea of routines. And you can change your routine if it's not working. Like if you have that posture, like hey, after school has really kind of yucky for everybody. What do you think would be better? What if we come home? What if we all just like go to our rooms for a minute and eat a yummy snack? Like what if we try that? You want to try it, guys? Like just like adding in, you know what I mean? Like, I think if you do it in small ways then you can make those bigger adjustments. And it's kind of like this is who we are, this is what we do. [00:27:33] Speaker A: We had I asked his permission before I got on because I wondered if it would just come up and me talking today because it's so like on the top of mind. But we took one of our older kiddos, graduated from the pediatric hospital and graduated over to the adult hospital this morning and he is post liver transplant by 16 years. So it's a big deal for he and I to go over to the big hospital. So he was Meeting a new team of doctors. And the doctor came in and you know, did what most good doctors do, especially if they're trying to help a child care for a transplanted organization, you know, in their, in their, you know, early 20s. And so she was giving him some encouragement about their, his health and she did a like so the, you know, the car, you know, the health, whatever. She was like saying the center for Health and Wellness, I can't think of what she said recommends X amount of exercise a week and this is what you should do. And, and it was so sweet because I'm just sitting there being like, look at you talking about this and scaffolding my 20 year old son, you know, and she said, you don't have to start with 30 minutes, just 5 minutes, just start walking 5 minutes a day around your house. Put some music on, set your timer, just walk, walk, walk, walk, walk and then try to get it up. You know, if you could walk three times a week for 30 minutes, that'll do your liver all kinds of good. So it was, it was exactly what we're talking about. Like what she, what she wants for him is to move a lot more. My guess is right, she wants him to set up healthy habits for his lifetime. Yeah, but she didn't come in on him like that this morning. Her audience, she's just asking him to put on some music and walk for five minutes a day and build up his, you know, stamina and interest in doing more. And that's what we're talking about. That's, that, that's the heartbeat here is like we're desire wellness. So it's a both and we don't have to throw out the whole idea, but we can set ourselves and our families and children up to, to actually be successful if we can make small adjustments that involve them and really get to know them. Like what, what do you value, what do you hope for? So there's this, like we can practice a lot of curiosity here. And, and I do think kids especially and you know, I've got young adults and, and middle schoolers, they're thinking about these kinds of things naturally because this is just what our society does around this time of year. So what is it even to start supporting them and thinking about this is a growth mindset. That's what this is. Hey, I can change. I have the ability to change. My behavior can change, my thought patterns can change. I can change. And how do I support this idea in my family about modeling that with just ease and gentleness? That's what I'm for. [00:30:39] Speaker B: You know, we talk a lot about readjustments hand in hand with reflection. And part of the reflection process for me does include my kids, does include my spouse. I have started asking the very scary question of. To my kids out of pure curiosity, what is it like to have me as a mom? And, like, that's a very scary question. But I. I have been asking it and, like, asking it more than once, because they're like, obviously they're gonna feel one way after we've had, like, a really lovely day together with lots of really fun experiences. They're gonna feel a little differently after we've had a disagreement about something that we pretty fundamentally disagree about. You know, the age that a kid should have a cell phone, for example. And I want to be open to what it feels like to have me as a person in charge of them, as a person who is mentoring them, as a person who's leading them, who's a person who's controlling what they have access to or don't have access to. And it helps me reflect later on. Like, do I feel like that's fair? Is that the experience I want my kids to have of me, you know, and then to kind of make some informed readjustments if I would like to. I also am pretty known in my family, and I loved how you talked about how this can be part of your culture, Becca, Because I'm known in my family for being like, okay, guys, Christmas is coming up. What would make a good Christmas for you? And I get everybody to weigh in. I do this with a lot of things. Okay, guys, mornings have been feeling very bad lately. I don't think anybody is enjoying our mornings. What makes a good morning for you? And because it's different for each one of us, there's only four people in our family. We have wildly different ideas of what makes a good vacation or what makes a good summer break, etc, etc. So being able to take all of that in then allows me also to make some readjustments, or a lot of that has to do with collaboration with each other, too. But as we're. As I'm thinking about that at these checkpoints during the year, those are things that I'm reflecting on before I make any of those readjustments. I think this is such a freeing topic. Normally, it's kind of changed to the idea of repair, but even if you release it from repair, I think reflection and readjustment are just such freeing ideas in terms of allowing ourselves to make changes that go with the momentum of our lives. That are gentle to us, that don't have us stuck in, you know, holding on to control of things and instead we can kind of live in this intentional way and not, you know, be stuck in the failure and shame on January 7th. [00:33:44] Speaker A: Thank you. It only takes me a week, I suppose. Jesse. Right? One week. Oops. Yeah. [00:33:51] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, what are, what's something you want more or less of as you're, as you're thinking about the year ahead? [00:34:01] Speaker A: That's a good question. Becca and I both just like stared up, up to the ceiling like, oh, that's a good one. Thanks for asking us, Becca. I, I think I want more. I'm just going to go back to my word gentle. I think that just makes sense with where my heart and mind are today and, and maybe, maybe that will look really different in different areas and spaces and places. And that's very much tied to my, again, that's going to be tied to my wiring in a place I think of growth for me. So I want a bit more gentleness and celebration. So gentleness and celebration are on my mind as we're looking towards the new year. And what do I want less of? I want less dog hair on my phone. [00:34:55] Speaker C: Amen. [00:34:57] Speaker A: That's my, that's my honest answer. It's not very philosophical, but if I could stop the long haired German shepherd from shedding, I would be a much happier woman in reality. What do I want more? What do I want less? I want less. Maybe angst. And that to me is a good word. That's opposite of gentleness. [00:35:24] Speaker B: I was going to say. I feel like often they're just flip sides of the same thing. Yeah. [00:35:29] Speaker A: So maybe in my quest for gentleness, gentleness I need to explore if there's areas of angst. So that's where my head is today. [00:35:39] Speaker C: There's a few different directions. I feel like I could take that question, but I think I want more. It's funny because it's actually here around the office, there's a small group of us that gets together every so often. And last year at the beginning of 2024, the person who was kind of facilitating that time asked us to pick a word and I picked the word presence. And as I look ahead to 2025, I still want more of that. I want more of being present where I am, am with my family, with my colleagues, with my work, like just more of being present where I am. And I think what I want less of, which will illustrate why it's helpful to ask this question. I want less anxiety. I would love that. That would be great. What I'll have to do if I want to actually readjust things is I'll have to actually make some adjustments and some of those adjustments will be my schedule, my what I take in, what content I consume, who I listen to, what I put in my body. Like it's all connected. So when he asks the question, what do you want more or less of? You know, there's a, there's an answer and then you have to dig into how do I get more presence and how do I get less anxiety? So I haven't figured that out yet as we sit here today. But those are the two things that pop to my mind. [00:37:00] Speaker B: I think for me, I'm coming. I I've shared with our listeners I went to full time hours and so that required some readjustment and reflection in itself and I knew I needed to go into the fall with more no's and less yeses when it comes to adding things to my calendar. And that's really hard for me because I love to say yes to all requests made of me. So I'm still working on that and I think I will probably be carrying that further into this year. But more slow. Less, less. I mean, the opposite of that would be fast, but it's more like thoughtless. I want less thoughtless. I want more slow, slow down and actually pay attention to what I'm doing. So that's similar to presence probably, but we'll see. It's all part of the momentum, the inertia of what's happening these days. Thank you guys for thinking about this with me. And if thanks for listening along. I hope that maybe we've given you some gentle ways to think about your new year and maybe quiet down some of those nightmares. [00:38:17] Speaker A: Thanks, Jesse. [00:38:22] Speaker B: We hope you enjoyed the episode. If you're interested in learning more, head to empoweredtoconnect.org for our library of resources. Thank you to Kyle Wright, who edits and engineers all of our audio, and Tad Jewett, the creator of our music. On behalf of everyone at etc, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time on the Empowered to Connect podcast. In the meantime, let's hold on to hope together.