[E181] Nurturing Through the Ages & Stages: School age Kids, Grief and the Incredible Journey of the Gregory Family

[00:00:12] Speaker A: Welcome to the Empowered to Connect podcast, where we come together to discuss a healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families, and our communities. I'm Jenny Wilson, and I am your host. And today on the show, two of. Of personally my favorite people on earth, Dee and Larissa Gregory, join us to talk about their journey over the last several years with their boys. And to get deeper into their story now would kind of take their story from them. So I will just say their story involves losing a child. Their story involves learning and maximizing the time they had together as a family, caring for as they were calling their big boys while their youngest was going through these medical challenges. And so just know, I would say on the front end, if you have journeyed through medical complexity with a child family member and that place is still raw for you, there's a lot of conversation about that in this episode. I would say helpful, beautiful, transformative conversation, but that is the subject matter. Today, we are talking more broadly about how to nurture elementary age kids. And the reason we asked Dean Larissa to come on today was specifically because as close friends of theirs as we've watched their journey with their youngest and then how they have cared for and loved their older boys in these recent years and watching them love them through a really complex, challenging journey together as a family, we wanted them to share some of the things that they've learned, some family practices they put into place, and just some practical decisions that they made to maximize every single moment they had together. This is a powerful, powerful episode, one that you do not want to miss. And just in terms of the ideas of maximizing every moment, Dean Larissa are the best. They really are. So Becca McKay, who also is a dear friend of the Gregory's, joins us as well. And so we just talk about their journey and what they've learned. It is great. You're going to love them. And so, without any further ado, here they are now, Becca and Dean Larissa Gregory and myself talking about their journey. Okay, well, as I mentioned in our introduction, we do have Dean Larissa Gregory, two of our great, great friends, friends of the program. You've heard Larissa on the podcast before, and if you were at our investing in hope event with Nate Bargassi a couple months ago, you saw Dee's beautiful face on the screen talking about his work in schools and in the healthcare spaces. And so we'll touch on both those things. We've also got Becca McKay here with us. And so, guys, I think maybe the most helpful place for all of us to start is just Dean, Larissa, would y'all, even though we've sort of been introduced to y'all in certain ways before, would you guys just kind of introduce yourselves and your family story and then we'll just kind of pick up from there? [00:03:15] Speaker B: Yeah, we actually just pointed at each other who was going to go first. So I've been elected for our household. So d and I have been married for 14 years. We have three beautiful black boys. They are 1210, and Houston would have been five coming up in March, but we lost him almost two years ago. And we've been natives of Memphis for almost eleven years. It's eleven years this month. [00:03:41] Speaker C: 13. [00:03:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Since 2013, we both have been in youth serving spaces for the time that we've been here. Mine has been from a behavior standpoint and school leader and now in the nonprofit world. And Dee's has been through teaching and now in the nursing profession and is currently in the psych nursing profession. And so, yeah, that's a little bit about us. We love to spend time as a family. We love to play games. We did something super crazy a year ago. Year and a half ago, we sold all of our possessions and bought a big rv and lived at Jellystone in South Haven, Mississippi. [00:04:24] Speaker A: And, yeah, people who don't know the beauty of jellystone. Will you just tell what Jellystone is. [00:04:32] Speaker B: For people who might not be stone is like Yogi bear when you pull in and huge inflatable water slides. Like, what was the ride called where kids got on the back? [00:04:45] Speaker C: It was the hay ride. [00:04:47] Speaker B: The hay ride ran every morning at 10:00 a.m. This is where we live. [00:04:53] Speaker C: So jellystone is literally better than Disney World. You have an rv, or if you have a friend that has an rv, you cannot go wrong. If you spend a few days at Jellystone, it's great. [00:05:06] Speaker B: That was a commercial, but, yeah, that's who we are. [00:05:12] Speaker A: Okay, so y'all are well versed in the art of family time right now because there has been so much of it this last year in close quarters. I don't think you might be saying y'all have traveled the country in this thing on school breaks and stuff over the last year or so and just created some incredible memories. And so, full disclosure, Becca and I and the Gregory's have all known each other for a very long time, and we're all very close. And so, over time, when we were planning this series, we were talking about who can we find to talk about nurturing their elementary age kids? And Becca and I immediately Becca said the Gregory's. And I was like, yes, done. [00:05:57] Speaker D: We don't need any other options. [00:05:59] Speaker A: And so if it just sounds like we all really love each other, that's just what it is. And so haven't been friends for a while. I think what I want you to know on the front end is just that I'm going to pause the podcast and we're going to edit that part out. So we've known each other for a long time professionally, through work. And Becca, I don't know if you want to tell that story of that connection, and then we'll kind of jump into our conversation. [00:06:27] Speaker D: Yeah, I just wanted to share. JD, Larissa and I all worked at the same elementary school about ten years ago. We're talking about when they moved to Memphis. We all kind of in this elementary school working in the office. And I was a graduate student at the time. And I was a graduate student at the time. And Dee and Larissa are not only incredible professionals, incredible parents, they're also just super generous and hospitable people. And they invited me to live with them while I finished grad school. And so I got a front row seat to them parenting their boys when their boys were little and just have stayed close to really love and respect way that they celebrate the unique personalities in their house. So like JD said, when we were thinking about this episode, it was like, no question, got to be the Gregory's. [00:07:14] Speaker A: I was not invited to live with the Gregory's, but that probably more because we had four kids. [00:07:22] Speaker D: Portable at the time. [00:07:24] Speaker A: Tight quarters, right? There's not an rv big enough for that situation. Okay, so, Dean Larissa, I think, you know, you mentioned Houston and your story in the beginning. I wonder if we might kind of start there, if we can, in framing Houston's life. And I think in so many ways it shapes why we wanted to hear from how you nurture and Linux and. Hang on a second. And so you guys obviously mentioned Houston introduction and so I don't know if you would mind kind of sharing his story as a way to kind of jumpstart this conversation. And. Yeah, and we'll go from. [00:08:05] Speaker C: And, you know, of course we don't know you talking about our other two boys, Jackson and Lennox, but Houston. So we moved here for me to be in MTR and I was teaching. And toward the end of that, of the four year commitment, I felt like I didn't want to teach anymore. And so we agreed that I would go back to nursing school for various reasons. And so there was a lot of excitement. Once I started nursing school, Larissa found out she was pregnant, and so there was a lot of excitement around the fact that I would be graduating sometime around Houston's birth. And we were really excited about that because prior to that, we had had some tough situations pop up here and there, and so we were really looking forward to that. And so I was taking a pretty important test on the day that Houston was born, March 25, 2019. And I knew that Larissa had a doctor's appointment, and I think we both anticipated that it would be routine. I think when she was at work, she was working at Solesville at the time. She didn't even take her belongings with her. I think you were thinking that you would just go. [00:09:32] Speaker B: Yeah, I thought I was going right back to work. [00:09:34] Speaker C: Yeah. And so, again, I've been studying pretty hard for this test. I'm getting close to the end of nursing school, and so she calls me right before I'm about to take that test and says, hey, the doctor saw some things that's concerning. And she's saying that I need to go and get further testing. And honestly, in my mind, I was like, well, she had been talking about some back pain, some hip pain. I'm thinking that maybe she's going to be on bed rest. And so my mind is swimming with that. But I go and take my test, and when I come out, apparently she's already seen the specialist, and they said, hey, you need to go ahead and come over now. And so when I got there, she was sitting alone in a room, and the doctor comes in, and he explains that Houston has. He's observed some brain deformities, and he's smaller and things of that nature. And he says, I highly recommend that he is born now. And he had already booked the or at Methodist Germantown, and we were supposed to leave that meeting and go straight there, and she was going to have a c section and so complete whirlwind. And I think that that really defines that season with him in a lot of ways. A complete whirlwind, because you were just kind of knocked off of any wagon, if you will, that you felt like you were safe and secure on. But he's born Larissa. She does moderately well. And then, of course, the next day, we learn more and more about Houston's deformities and how that is going to potentially shape his. I'll. Do you want to pick up from there? [00:11:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I will. So I think for me, JD and Becca, it was as we were leaving the specialist and on our way over to Methodist Germantown is when I knew that my life was changing. I didn't know how, but I knew that it was not only going to impact me, but it was going to impact our boys, and it was going to impact our marriage, and it was going to impact us as individuals. And I have a village of folks that I trust with my whole life, and I immediately called that village, and I was like, somebody needs to get Jackson. He has this. Somebody needs to get Linux. He has this. He needs to go to soccer practice as of right. Like nothing is happening in their brains. Let's just see what this is going to be. I was terrified. We met Houston, and he was the tiniest thing I've ever seen in my life. He fit in our hand. And from the moment that we saw him, it was confirmed for me that our life had changed. Like, I knew that work was going to have to change. I knew that friendships were about to change. I knew that Jackson and Lennox's life was about to change once they found out. And we were honestly shocked that Houston made it past that day. But as we all know how the story unfortunately ends, we got two and a half ish, almost three years with Houston and the impact that he has had on how we live our life, the impact that a nonverbal, beautiful little boy with a ton of medical fragility and complexities was able to have in the short time that he was here on other people as well. It's truly mind blowing. I mean, he was so ill. He was so sick. And through his illness, it made every moment matter. And it not only made every moment matter for his life, but it made every moment matter for the boys, because it was like keeping score, if you will, because we didn't know how long we had him, and we were determined to make intentional moments with our big boys, with their brother at all. So, Becca, you're kind to say that you got a lion's eye into our home when the boys were little. And I do think that we've been intentional since they were born, the big boys. But that intentionality became a mindful practice when we met Houston. I think what maybe Becca saw was just who we were. But right now is like, successful floundering. Successful floundering. There you go. But who we are today is who we've chosen to, um. And a lot of that has come from. [00:14:46] Speaker C: Think for me, anyway. I don't think know the value of time and how we live life with the boys. I don't think that was solidified. So a little bit more about Houston. About a year before he passed away, he was diagnosed with a pretty severe form of seizures. And that put us in the hospital for upwards of 70 plus days. And that was a brief stint that he spent in the pediatric ICU, where there was a doctor that basically said Houston was at a point to where he was about to be intubated, which know, well, they put like a tube down your throat so that you can breathe mechanically with the machine. And the doctor told us, he said, if your son, given all of his complexity, if he has to go on the vent, he likely won't wake up. So I really need you guys to think about your quality of life. If he were to wake up. And when he shared that, it was a super sobering moment, because I thought, we've been in the hospital at this point for, I don't know, 40 something days, and it's been, what is it going to take to get Houston home? And now we may not even be able to bring him home to his brothers that love and cherish him, and we cherish him. And so as he was nearing, thankfully, he made it through that. And as he was nearing the end of his day, Larissa and I, we had several days in the hospital where we talked, and we said, once we get home, we are going to focus the majority of our attention on what it looks like to create memories with all three of them. And so we did. We took trips, we took a lot of pictures. And I know there are books written on grief, but there's no manual for how to do it when it's unique to your family. [00:16:54] Speaker A: Right? [00:16:54] Speaker C: And so I think having access to those pictures and those videos, those memories, when the boys do have hard moments with the boys, they have access to these photos where they're able to scroll back through and see their brother bouncing in his jumper and doing else, that was silly. So I think Houston's life has drastically shaped what we will say yes and no to as a family, what we will tolerate, and how we choose to spend our time for ourselves and with the boys. [00:17:37] Speaker A: I mean, guys, this is all so insanely personal. And just, number one, thanks for being willing just to share all of this. And number two, I think that we could take this into 70 different directions and have a whole series of conversations about grief and kids and loss and all of that. I want to stick, if we can, in the nurturing direction. Do you guys remember if there was a. That has to be the first. But do you remember noticing a moment of the boys all really connecting and knowing we've got to zero in on this. Got to zero in on this thing that's happening right now, or this is the reason we've got to do x, y or z thing because we see it starting to connect with them. [00:18:28] Speaker B: I think for me that moment is when I saw the big boys accept that their brother was sick and when Jackson and Lennox were able to put together that their brother was sick. And that time was a gift, which is something that we watched happen shortly after JD, like, we had matching pajamas every Saturday. Everything was a big deal. Breakfast was a big deal. Dinners were a big deal. Playing games together, dance parties were a big deal. Jackson has often been interested in trains and in the NFL and in know it's changed over time. But letting him share with the entire family, like his latest report on being a train conductor or his latest report on his predictions for the NFL draft or whatever it was, we involved Houston in that. We involved both of the boys. And things like that are non negotiable in our house. We're all going to be right here and we're all going to listen and share in each other's passions. The same with Lennox. The kid is insanely creative, just way out the box athletic. And so it's a non negotiable that we go to his games as a family and not from a place of like, you have to do this, but as a place of we get to support each other. We have the gift of time to be able to invest in each other's interest. So I would say that's when it happened for me. When I saw that the boys accepted that Houston was sick and then everything became a big deal in the most beautiful. [00:20:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I was going to ask if you had a specific one, too. [00:20:27] Speaker C: That's what I would say as well. [00:20:31] Speaker D: I think something that really, a lot of people can talk about supporting your kids unique interests. I just think I saw you guys do that so well. And when I say your kids, I mean all three of your beautiful boys, you figured out the things that made them full of joy and you just went all in on those things. And so I just think, I'm not a parent yet, but I feel like every parent wants to do their best and it's easy to, you know, support your kids'interests. I don't know, Dean. Larissa. I just don't know that I've seen very many people do it as well as y'all have done it. And you mentioned, larissa, like, interests change over time, and what lights them up changes over time. But I just want to, like, I don't just thanks for letting me see your family and the beautiful ways that you've loved your boys and supported them. And also, I think you're really highlighting what it means to be super present. So I feel like that's when I'm listening to you guys tell your story, I'm reminded just of how important it is to just zero in and be locked in and be present for those. Whether it's a walk outside, whether it's the Christmas PJs, like you said, larissa, whether it's the Saturday PJs, like, whatever the moment is, whether it's the weekly pizza night, finding those rhythms and those routines. I wonder if you could talk to yourselves before Houston, what advice would you give yourself as, like, a young parent? Looking ahead, I wonder if there's anything you would share with parents who maybe are in that. Like, what advice would you give them on how to do that, how to be mindful and present. [00:22:13] Speaker C: I think the primary thing is learning the value of sitting with yourself first and becoming self aware about your own emotions and your own ticks and things like that. Because I think it's pretty challenging to give anything, well, most things, to someone else that you haven't really set with yourself. And so I think that's a big part of it, is being able to sit with yourself and consider, like I said, what makes you tick, what's important to you, and what things you value. So that when you begin to see how those things make you feel, and you hear your kids talking about those things, you see this pattern of what makes them excited as well. And so if you know that it makes you feel excited about the things that make you tick, then it's a good chance that it also makes them tick as well. And I think what I would tell my younger self if I'm starting a family now is learning the value of saying no to so many outside things. No offense to anybody that's involved in any of this right here, but as Larissa and I have reflected, we spent so much time giving of ourselves to others. And I know that sounds counter whatever, but you give and you give and you give, and you step back and you realize that you haven't given to yourself and you haven't given to your kids. And so if I'm going to be one that's promoting what you guys are wanting to share on this podcast. [00:24:06] Speaker A: I. [00:24:06] Speaker C: Have to live that out myself, too. [00:24:10] Speaker B: Yeah, go ahead, JD. [00:24:13] Speaker A: No, I just said, geez Louise. I mean, that's a word? Yeah, go ahead, Larissa. [00:24:18] Speaker B: I think if I was talking to my younger self, I would say, slow down and declutter your life. And I think that kind of goes in line with what you were just saying, babe. But I was so busy with things that were good things, with things that were just things. I would say yes to just about anything, just to be helpful or supportive or just for the sake of saying yes, knowing on the inside that I truly wanted to say no. But I think slowing down has given us the opportunity to really see our boys and to not just see them, but to hear them. And as we've been able to sit with them and slow down and hear them, we know what they like. We know what they don't like. We have their ear to where we also know who they like and who they don't like. And something in this last little season of life that we've been watching unfold is, like, them sitting us down and bringing things to us that either they're excited about or they're struggling with. I'll give you an example. Jackson found this senior bowl that he wanted to go to, like, super committed to it. He's super interested in the NFL right now. Wants to be, like, somewhere in between. [00:26:03] Speaker A: The Senior bowl is a collection of all the all star college players from college, kind of showcasing their skills in Alabama, right? [00:26:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So, like, NFL scouts are there. NFL coaches are there this year, like Bo Nicks and Michael Pinix. Don't get too, you know, all those folks were there, and he brought it to us, and he was like, this is something I'm really interested in. Can we. The. The knee jerk reaction and those big asks. Right? Is like, absolutely not. Groceries are ridiculous, and this is this, and that's that. And that sounds great. Maybe next year. But I think one of the things that we've learned is next year might not be a thing. Not from the senior bowl, not happening, but from life. Or something may pop up that's traumatic or that just the schedule doesn't work out or whatever it is. And so in those moments, prioritizing the yes and figuring it out, and as we sat there at the senior bowl, we lucked out and had dope tickets, but as we sat there, like, straight joy over Jackson's face, just immense joy. And in that moment, he didn't have to say a word. He felt seen, and he felt understood, and he could hear NFL scouts and NFL coaches from an ear's that that matters. And the same is to be said on the other side. If he's struggling in a class. If he is having an issue with a, like, it's the same thing. And I think that comes from D and I, and we don't do it perfect. Let that not be said or held in this space. We're learning, too, but as we slow down ourselves, we're able to see and hear those things from our kids. And I want teenagers that tell me all the tea. I want to be in the middle of everything. They're thinking. They're feeling their hopes, their joys. And I think that starts with this stage of development. For sure. [00:28:21] Speaker D: You guys set the foundation for that, too. Like, you've just built and earned the trust that is needed for that kind of relationship. And it's something that you have to work for. It doesn't happen on accident. Everybody wants that positive with their teen or young adult, but they don't always know how much work you have to put in now at this age to earn the right to speak into their life and to give them advice and to those types of things. I think you guys have just done a great job of that. I feel like what I'm hearing you guys talk about just so much and so clearly is when you say no, that gives you the space to say yes to the right things. [00:29:00] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:29:01] Speaker D: Say yes to everything. You're just overloaded and overwhelmed. [00:29:04] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly right. [00:29:06] Speaker B: We wrote a family creed, and I wish I, a, had memorized it or b, had it in front of me, because neither one of those two things are true right now. But the premise of it is that we will say a resounding no to things that create chaos so that we can say a resounding yes to intentional moments that matter in our family. And so as we make decisions, whether it's big or small, whether it's, hey, mom, can we go to the basketball game? And I'm thinking, like, dang, I have something to do at work and d studying. No. The answer is yes, and I will figure that out on the back end, because this moment matters. And me saying yes, or us saying a resounding yes matters. And so that's what we've been bumping up against recently, and that comes from Houston, and that comes from our time in the rv selling everything and having 375 sqft for four ish people and a huge dog that just doesn't know how to mind her business. There's nothing better that will help you than to see what you really need. [00:30:20] Speaker C: If anybody wants her, they can have her. [00:30:21] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. She's always trying to give our dog away. She's great. [00:30:25] Speaker C: She's okay. [00:30:27] Speaker A: I have a couple of questions, but one is, who taught you guys that? Where did you guys feel like you picked that up from along the way? And if it was kind of something that you both sort of brought collectively in the moment with Houston, were there people or things that you were watching or listening to or reading or seeing that were bringing you kind of those wisdom nuggets like when you needed them? [00:30:58] Speaker C: A great question. [00:31:04] Speaker B: I think. [00:31:05] Speaker C: Well, I'm still thinking. [00:31:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it's twofold. One, like, where's the handbook? Because I need it. You leave the hospital with them or when they come into your life, there is no rulebook. And a lot of us, the way that we're choosing to try again and raise our children is different than maybe how we were raised. Not to say how we came up was right or wrong, but sometimes you just choose different. And so choosing different means you have to explore and figure out what's right for you and right for your family. And we knew early on that being intentional like this mattered to us, but we didn't know how much it meant to us until we had Houston and until ultimately, we lost Houston. So I think that's my first thought. My second is wisdom. And someone that I look to for wisdom is Jackie Roefields. And watching the interactions between her and her five grown children and knowing bits and pieces of her story and the intentional ways that she created moments for her children. That has really spoken to me over the years, because things aren't just going to happen, because they happen. You have to create moments for your kids. We create moments for our kids, like the senior bowl. We create spaces for them to sit down and say whatever's on their heart. We create space for conflict. We create space for pizza night every Wednesday and tacos every Tuesday. That may have more to do with my cooking than anything, but we create those spaces of predictability and consistency. And I saw that in Jackie Rowe as I heard her reflect on their childhood. And that's something that I've wanted to emulate. [00:33:10] Speaker C: That I would say that I think Houston. The experience with Houston. Well, I think there was some statistic that we read that in families with kids with medical complexities. [00:33:26] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:33:26] Speaker C: There's some crazy statistic that there's a high number of marriages that end as a result of two parents trying to grieve together. To grieve together or even while the kid is alive, working through all of the stresses of, you know, I think Larissa is really smart and I think she has a lot of experiences with being very strategic and taking big dreamers ideas and really nailing it down. So I would say that I've learned a lot from her through our time of reflection. I knew that I didn't want this to be something that would separate our family, if you will. Like the two of us, we've also tried to be intentional with how we spend our time in the mornings and in the evenings and going on dates and listening to each other dream and supporting each other, but then also taking time to reflect on our parenting. And I think that there's a little bit that I've learned from her, and I think there's a lot that she's learned from me. Just because. [00:34:45] Speaker B: Wish you could see his face right now. [00:34:49] Speaker C: I'm very wise. No, but seriously, I do think the time that we've been able to reflect, because I think in those times, I've been able to see Larissa's natural ability to love and nurture, which she's really good at, celebrating our kids, seeing their uniqueness and celebrating them. And she's just known as the one that will always make it happen. The boys know that mom's always going to make it happen. So as we sit and reflect on these things, when she comes to me and she says, hey, maybe we should consider this. Maybe we should do that, I'm like, oh, I know that you've put thought to it. I know that this is going to be something that is going to make our boys feel special, and I know that we're going to have a lot of fun doing it. Let's figure out how to make it happen. And I think that there are some things, like I said, I think there's a lot of things that she learned from me, but we don't have enough time for her to list all of those things. [00:35:54] Speaker B: Gregory. [00:35:56] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll list them in the show notes later. [00:36:01] Speaker C: Separate podcast. [00:36:04] Speaker A: That'll be a long one. It'll be a long one. One thing that I would love to know, obviously, moments to share, moments to present in front of the family. A lot of those are easy yeses or non negotiable, like zero financial cost decisions. Right? You can't go to the senior bowl every day, right? So how do you guys, knowing the weight and the gravity that you put on experiences and memories together and giving yeses when you can, how do you guys filter the bigger requests? It sounds like one of those filters is saying yes when you can and no when you have to. But is there more to it. Have y'all had more discussions on how to sift through some of those bigger requests? [00:36:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I'll share this. Yesterday, as we were driving back from the senior bowl, we were passing a fast food restaurant and Lennox was like, oh, it would be great to stop there. But I understand that we should probably say no so that we can do something like the senior bowl again. That's exactly it. If you listen to that boy, he will teach you a thing or two, and that's it. We pass up on things that we could say yes to, but that we choose to say no to so that we can say yes to senior bowls or it doesn't even have to be a senior bowl. It can be something else that the boys really have been looking forward to or really have taken an interest in. And we're able to support their interests in a different way, but not only financially, but like, we have made a conscious choice to treat our time differently. Prior to Houston, we were consumed by work in school, we were consumed by being a part of all the things. And I can now say yes to myself and to the boys to drop them off every morning and pick them up every day. And that has not come without sacrifice. But I had to choose what to say yes to and what to say no to. And I. I want to hear about their day. I want to see how they're going into the day so I can email their teacher and say, hey. Lennox seemed a little sad this morning. He was getting out of the car, like those types of things. So it's changed our. [00:38:39] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:38:40] Speaker B: And yesterday when Lennox said that about fast food, it's not that we couldn't stop, it's that we won't stop because we pack snacks and we pack things for lunch. And I look forward to being able to say yes again soon because of those choices. [00:38:58] Speaker C: Yeah, I guess it's inviting them in to share that language with to. As Larissa and I are processing how we want to spend money and our time, we invite them in and we share that same language with them because the language that he shared yesterday is from conversations that we've had prior and so that they themselves can not only know that in word, but they've also now seen it in action because we try to do fun things. [00:39:32] Speaker B: And I think that's the nurturing part, right. Nature versus nurture. Bend. And what we're choosing to do with the boys is not our natural bend. Let's be clear. It would be much easier just to mind our own business in different spaces in the house. And call it a day, which we do sometimes. Which we do. Yeah, we absolutely do. But, like, our choice is we want to be in each other's spaces, and we want to spend time, and we want the boys to learn what Dee and I are just figuring out kind of at a way younger age so they are not faced with the same barriers and challenges, know, we had in our teens or into adulthood. And so nurturing actions comes with transparently sharing your conversations and your thought process. And I think in return, the boys are giving that to us as well. And that's when it becomes a. [00:40:41] Speaker D: Like, this is just becca hype up the episode because I just want to share with the world how amazing you guys are. But also just hearing you talk about senior bowl, for example, there was a time not too long ago where that would have been a no because you had to be close to the hospital or because it would have been too far of a trip. And so I also just think you guys have walked through different seasons of what the are and what the no's are, and you started, like you said, larissa being really transparent with the boys about that, which I think just built trust with them. Like, trust your yes, trust your no. Because the family have walked through, hey, in this season, this is what we can do, and this is what is right and good for us. And then in this season, this is what we can do, which I think. [00:41:27] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:41:28] Speaker D: I just feel like you can get stuck in, this is the right way, this is the wrong way. And I think you all are teaching me how to view things season by season. Like, in different seasons, you're going to have different opportunities as a family. [00:41:41] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that's real. And, you know, for a season, like, matching pajamas was the best that we had. Movies, staying up late, late dance parties, that type of thing. Because we couldn't leave the house. Yeah. Fires in the backyard, like, telling stories, blasting music. Those were our options because not only was Covid, but we were living a Covid lifestyle before it was a thing because he was so medically fragile, and that changes how you see things. So, yeah, I would agree with that, Becca, for sure. [00:42:23] Speaker A: Guys, as we kind of wrap up here, I think one thing I would love to know is just you all's words of wisdom or any other advice that you'd have to a family who might be on their own medically complex journey right now with one or multiple of their own kids. What advice you give to somebody who's right in the thick of it right now. [00:42:49] Speaker C: I would say, um, that, you know, I just. I just got this tattoo of this tree with roots on my arms, and it's a reminder for me to be constantly grounded and rooted in the things that matter. And if your child is sick, life doesn't stop. Bills come, responsibilities. People still want you to do things don't stop. And so it can be really easy to kind of live in this frazzled state. But I would almost challenge, if I could go back and challenge myself, or I would challenge people to just be grounded and rooted in what really matters. Obviously, your marriage. If you're married, that matters. Your sick child, he or she matters. Your other children, if you have other children, those things matter. Whatever you're doing to make sure that your bills are paid, those things matter. And so if you can get to a space where you can be grounded and rooted in what really matters, that's not going to make things easier, per se, but I think it will put you in a position where you can focus your energy on what matters, and your marriage won't suffer and your relationship with your other children won't suffer as much, because naturally, it will because of the nature of taking care of a sick child. But just to be grounded and rooted in what really matters and saying no to all the other crap that doesn't. [00:44:47] Speaker B: Yeah. If I can add just something small on the backside of that, the tattoo right above that tattoo that Dee has is the symbol for enjoying the passage of time. And as a medically complex, like, you don't know how much time you have, you don't know what's coming on the other side of a test result or what the hospice journey will look like or whatever your circumstances are. And so finding joy in the small things and creating, they're not just going to happen, but, like, creating small things to enjoy, even while being in the throes. And there's certain things that only medically complex families can understand. And I will say to any that are listening right now, you are going to make it. I know it feels like you're not going to. I know it feels impossible because I have felt the impossible feelings, and I still do, but you are going to make it. And please just take time to enjoy the passage of time, whatever that needs to look like and sound like for you. [00:46:08] Speaker A: Guys. We love you all. This has been really great. Thanks for sharing and for giving time and just for the way that you loved your voice for us. [00:46:19] Speaker C: Thank you all. Thank you, Becca, for saying such nice things about us. And just make sure everybody stays tuned for the follow up where I share a hundred ways. [00:46:31] Speaker D: Agree taught Larissa thing. [00:46:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:34] Speaker B: Yes, that's. That's the headline. There it is. [00:46:37] Speaker D: All the hype and all the shout outs are true. It's just been a privilege to see the way that you have navigated just really tough circumstances together. And so just thanks for being willing to hop on and share with us. It's not easy to always talk about, so thanks for sharing and just being open about that experience that you guys had. [00:47:01] Speaker B: For sure. Yeah, it's the first time we've shared, so thank you. [00:47:06] Speaker A: Well, we're honored. Really. I don't know what to say. In closing that just a huge thank you to the Gregories for their vulnerability, for their willingness to share what was an incredibly intense and special and challenging season of their life, and just really grateful for them being willing to share about Houston and his life and the lessons that they've learned and the impact that he's made during his short time here. And so just love them, thankful for them and hope that that made an impact on you as well. That's all we got for today for everybody here at Empowered to connect for Kyle Wright, who Edison engineers all of our audio. For Ted Jewett, the creator of the music behind the empowered to Connect podcast. I'm JD Wilson, and we'll see you next week on the Empowered to connect podcast. It's.