[E231] When You're Tired in Your Heart with Dr. Archandria Owens

[00:00:00] Speaker A: [00:00:05] Speaker B: To the Empowered to Connect podcast where we come together to discuss a healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families and our communities. [00:00:18] Speaker C: Hey everyone. We are here today with Dr. Owens and I am meeting her for the first time in this episode. So I'm, I. It has been a delight to meet you so far, Dr. Owens, and why don't you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do. [00:00:33] Speaker A: Wonderful. Hi, My name is Dr. Archandria Owens. I'm a licensed psychologist and also the founder of the Collective Healing Space, which is a group private practice full of just wonderful clinicians who promote the best in people as far as mental health and wellness. And so we do that right here in Memphis. That's really important to us and we love doing that. And so that's what I do as a day job. I'm also the mother of two beautiful girls, one who just turned 8, one who is 10, Olivia Noelle, and also have been married to my partner in life, Brion Owens for 20 years now. So very glad to be here, very glad to be here in my fullness of myself as well, both professional and personal. And I'm looking forward to our conversation. [00:01:26] Speaker C: That's great. And I love that we get to talk about being tired today because Dr. Owens and I have been experiencing a week plus of being snowed in here in Memphis and some of you listening are going to remember right when that time period was. So yeah, I would love to just talk a little bit more. I love that, you know, even in the midst of this, you've got two girls and a husband as part of your family that are, you're, you're just living, living the journey as, as well as shepherding people through that journey too. [00:02:01] Speaker A: Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. [00:02:04] Speaker C: Let's talk about when we were tired in our hearts and we were discussing briefly, it's a little bit different than just feeling it in our body. Let's talk a little bit about emotional fatigue and maybe what you might even see in your practice as you're working with moms and dads. [00:02:23] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. You know, our emotions are so interesting. You know, they are actually like the, the first part of our brain that developed like we, we felt before we knew, you know, our executive functioning and our problem solving and our intellectual stuff all comes and is mostly matured in our 20s, you know, and for some of us in our later 20s, but our emotional brain is just been in, in intact for a really long time. And so our emotions really carry with them a lot of wisdom. They have A lot of, like, age to them and everything. And they're also like, the. The things that don't get as much press all the time, especially when we're talking about living in the society that we live in that really prioritizes, you know, us overriding our emotions a lot and overriding our bodies and different things like that. And so I don't know, I want to just start there because I think some of our conversation really hinges on honoring our emotions. And potentially a lot of us have received messages that are about our emotions that maybe don't allow us to validate them like we could. And so I think that hopefully is just a good foundation for us to start with. But, yeah, we experience a lot of emotions, and sometimes we can get weary in them because emotions we. We can feel very deeply, and they impact body, they impact our mindsets and. And different things. And so sometimes when we've been feeling for. And feeling intensely and feeling intensely for a long time, there can be some fatigue even in that. And so when we start to talk about emotional weariness, maybe that's a good place to start. [00:04:26] Speaker C: I love that. Yeah, that's a great place to start. You mentioned honoring our feelings. What do you think is the best way to do that? And especially you hinted at there are different mindsets we have about emotions and about what we are feeling. So what does it look like to honor our emotions? [00:04:44] Speaker A: Yeah, well, oftentimes when I'm sitting with people, they'll experience an emotion and they'll just kind of quickly move past it. They'll just kind of. They won't sit with it, you know, and that's often, like an invitation I extend to my clients is just to sit with, like, oh, what's happening? Like, we noticed that shift in an emotion. We noticed some sadness, we noticed, you know, some grief or even happiness. Like, you know, it's important to let it be for just a moment and follow and track the sensations that come up. You know, oftentimes I can ask people, well, how do you know? How do you know that you're happy? And they'll just say, I'm just happy. Well, but also, like, where do you experience that in your body? Like, how is your body sharing that too? And it becomes a lot more complex whenever we're talking about emotions and that historically feel hard to feel, you know, to actually sit with those, because those are exactly the ones that we distract ourselves from that will just get busy and not really tend to them as we could. But it's one way to honor them. Is by allowing them to actually be giving them a name, tracking the sensations that come up as you're experiencing that emotion. And I love, like, if you have, like, someone that holds you gently in your emotions to be able to share that emotion with them, that's another way, like, actually expressing the emotion can honor your emotional experience or even writing it down in some way. Some of my clients, I even encourage them, like, voice Memo, you know, we've got these cool phones that do all the things. We can also, like, speak into them and, like, have that be our expression. Because sometimes talking with other people can be hard, especially if there's some kind of shame associated with what we're feeling. And so any method of expression, even expressive arts, even dancing, even some way of, like, moving our body at the same intensity of what we're feeling, or even moving our bodies, you know, in kind of, like, coordinated movement that shares and shows that emotion. All of those are great ways to both validate the emotion, name the emotion, and honor it. [00:07:16] Speaker C: I love those ideas. I'm thinking about the many times I've sat in a therapist's office or with a spiritual director, and I've had that experience where before I even realized it, I was showing that I was feeling something. And. And that safe person in that space said, where. Where are these tears coming from? Or, oh, what, you know, what's passing across your face right now? What are you thinking? That can be really valuable to have somebody that will walk through that with you. [00:07:50] Speaker A: Sure. Yes. And that's like, the beauty of community, like, especially with emotional expression. Because sometimes, like, people. Yeah, they can see it in us. They can smell it in us. You know, they can sniff it out. Like, they. They can know in some ways before we know. What a gift. [00:08:10] Speaker C: Yeah, my personality. I'm so personally, I'm so Others focused. I'm just always thinking about what other people are feeling, what they need, what they're thinking. And so to be in a space where. Or to put myself in my own position where I'm thinking about what I'm feeling and experiencing can be really challenging. So it has always been really helpful to have other people do that with me. And I really love your suggestions for all the different ways that we can explore what we might be feeling and how to honor those feelings. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Yeah, great. Yeah. [00:08:47] Speaker C: Okay. Something that's coming to mind is kind of this. Maybe it's counterintuitive, the fact that if we honored our emotions, if we named them and sat with them and expressed them, how does that actually help us with Emotional fatigue. Because I think some of us might think, well, if I let myself feel the full spectrum of what I was feeling, I would get fatigued. So how can we support emotional fatigue? Actually by expressing and feeling our emotions. [00:09:25] Speaker A: That's such a good one. And I feel really tenderly towards that because I think that's so human of us. Right. To just self protective. [00:09:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:09:35] Speaker A: And self protective. Yeah, it's such a beautiful strategy and a wise strategy to protect self, you know, and so. So I think a big thing that people don't think about is how much it cost us to actually keep that stuff in. [00:09:52] Speaker C: Oh, yes. Okay, let's talk more about that. [00:09:55] Speaker A: Yeah, there's, you know, there's consequences to everything we do. Like every choice we make, you know, and they're naturally occurring consequences. And one of the like, naturally occurring consequences of not expressing our emotions is that we can hold them and that can wear on us a lot. That can create a fatigue that's not met by sleeping or resting deeply. You know, whenever. Yeah, whenever we hold it, it does stuff like to our heart, it does stuff to the stress as we're holding it in our muscles and everything we are, our embodied experience of that. If those emotions can really, can really fatigue us, but it can really take a lot of effort. It can take a lot of labor to hold. And also when we go without validating our emotions and everything, it can do something to our internal world. It can create distrust between us and our bodies. When there's misalignment, our bodies know we're feeling sad or we're feeling a lot of things. But when our brain tries to talk us out of it or dismiss it in some kind of way, it also creates this distrust between the fullness of the self and distrust in oneself can be hard to manage, you know, and so we can create the distrust. We can also hold to the point where our organs and our muscles and our aches and pains and our joints start to do the work instead of us doing the work by expressing what's coming up for us. And so it leads to a different type of fatigue. To always be holding so much. [00:11:54] Speaker C: This is bringing to mind, smack dab. In the middle of 2020, I celebrated my 40th birthday. It was July. And so we had been. We'd gone through the lockdowns and the quarantining at home and all the things. And still in the middle of that season where there's so much fear, there's so much caution and. And on top of that, we were parenting an immunosuppressed child. So we were extra vigilant about, about everything that year and the week that I celebrated my 40th birthday, I threw my back out. And I've never had back problems, but that experience of like, my back was just like, locked up and spasming and hurting so bad and I could not stand in my own body. I remember just feeling so desperate for physical, like the lack of that physical pain. I wanted the pain to go away, but I, I was vaguely aware that there were multiple things happening in those weeks that I was experiencing all that back pain, that, that the pain would just increase or get worse and it would be like difficult conversations or like the climate of the world in that time period. And as I was like, thinking about it or talking about it, and just the very fact that I was able to. Entering middle age and coming to grips with that, you know, all of it. So when you talk about the way our body holds those things and our body is going to experience them, whether we let ourselves actually, like whether we recognize the emotions or not, I just, that immediately came to mind. [00:13:46] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Oh, I feel, I feel my body have like, some empathy. [00:13:52] Speaker C: If you've ever had that kind of back pain, you're like, oh, yes, that's the worst. You know, you're like hobbling around. [00:13:58] Speaker A: For sure. For sure. And, and also like what you shared about. Yeah, there were certain things that made it worse that would flare it up, you know, and there's such beautiful science around the, the body's way that it holds different things. And I mean, there's some parts of our aches and pains that we experience in our bodies that have nothing to do with old age, that have nothing to do. [00:14:22] Speaker C: Right. [00:14:22] Speaker A: With old injuries or anything like that. It's, it's because there, that's gotten blocked in there. Whether it's a story, whether it's our trauma, whether it's an emotional experience. Our bodies are so good to us. All they want to do is befriend us. All they want is, is to protect, to give all of those things. And so there's a lot of things that it will do to protect us from experiencing the fullness of even our emotions. And so that's another reason why it's so important to express. It takes the labor and the, the effort off of our joints and off of our backs and different things like that and allows us to allow those to be in our awareness and seen and heard all of those things so that our body doesn't have to continue to, to hold so Sweetly. [00:15:16] Speaker C: I love how respectful and dignifying you are of our human bodies. You, you know, I think especially as a woman, I am often, you know, kind of complaining about the human body and all of the ways that it is against me. And I really love the way that you just are so compassionate towards the body and even in recognizing that within ourselves, how freeing that could be. When we think about emotional fatigue and being tired in our hearts, what would you say are some signs that we might, you know, just some little flags that when we notice ourselves doing or feeling or thinking certain ways, we might be dealing with some excessive emotional fatigue? [00:16:07] Speaker A: Mm. Yeah, Certainly when our ability to be like, empathic with someone, like, to feel someone's pain or suffering, you know, or to, to know it exists, that could be a sign, you know, that something's happening if, if we're irritable a little bit more annoyed more easily and. Or when maybe like, we're in touch a little bit more with like, even our own trauma, our own past losses and things like that. When maybe like, our stuff starts to be in the picture a little bit more. Yeah. And I think, yeah, when our ability to perspective take two is. Is compromised and not like perspective take from a place of. We have to show up perfectly all the time and things like this. But even our ability to perspective take with ourselves, like, as caregivers, as human beings, you know, if we start to like, brush up against perfectionism and things like that, that can be away that we know, oh, something's maybe starting to get off. And maybe for some of us, that might mean that something's been off for a little bit of time and maybe we just haven't taken a look at that. And so those are, I think those are ways that we might initially know from an emotional standpoint, you know, that, oh, we're, we're a little bit weary here. [00:18:01] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think you've given us so many good ideas of ways that we could name and express our emotions. But when we are identifying, I'm thinking kind of humorously about, there's a kiddo in my house that tired is usually the thing that she identifies most, that she's feeling. But it's almost now like a. Like a knee jerk response, you know, it's like, I'm tired. [00:18:30] Speaker A: She just says it to fill the. [00:18:32] Speaker C: Space, you know, And I think I identify with that because as caregivers, I mean, so many people are holding so much. And especially, you know, as we think about stress and adversity, the stories that we are present to and the stories we've experienced, the stories that we are. That we're stewarded with parenting, you know, I think that can be really. That can be really heavy and hard to carry. And so I'm curious, you know, it's one thing to name that we're tired, like my kiddo would do when we identify with. With that. Would you say that there are steps beyond just naming and expressing what are. What are some unique ways that when we know we are very fatigued emotionally, that we can care for ourselves? [00:19:28] Speaker A: Yeah, well, and some of these we may have to get creative with in some ways, because I know people's levels of support around their caregiving can look different. Of course. Like, I do think it's important to take intentional breaks. And I know for some that might not mean being able to get out of the house, especially right now, you know, when Mother Nature has made the decisions, but being able to take, you know, physical space if. If we can get that. And knowing that, like, the physical space is not like an escape necessarily. Like, we're not trying to escape from our loved ones or anything, but really taking space that we can get still, we can get quiet if we need to. We can take care of ourselves if we need to, so that we can show up in the best ways that we can, or at least with fuller capacity anyway. And so in this, you know, taking breaks could also look like, you know, physical breaks, of course, but it could be emotional breaks, too. Sometimes when there's a lot of intense caring for a really long time, it could be helpful to see if there's ways that you can be just a little less responsible for a few moments, you know, and taking just a few moments. I know there's some really responsible people out there that are listening to this right now, and so who might find it really hard to lessen their sense of responsibility. But that could look like anything. It could look like getting in touch with your own inner child and asking, like, what. What does my child self want right now? Because our inner children know how to be irresponsible in just a little bit because, you know, they don't have to. Right? They're not parents. They're not caregivers. And so that might mean that sometimes my inner child just wants to have ice cream. Cream when she wants it, you know, with sprinkles and pecans. Sometimes that means, you know, wanting to. To dance crazily or karaoke, some song that just really speaks to my heart or something like that, you know, or to color with some whimsy. And so being able to maybe take a break from always doing the things that you've always done and break it up a little bit. You know, self care is a thing, and I don't want to limit its goodness, even in our conversation. But so, you know, there's. There's all the things, you know, what can we do to be soft with ourselves? You know, what are the scents that we need? Lavender and eucalyptus are two of my very favorites, and they help me a lot. You know, what are the scents that we need? What's the lighting that we need in a particular place? Place. And these are all, like, free things, right? Like, when we're talking about taking a break, it could be, you know, doing something different with our lighting, doing something different with what we're smelling, what we're tasting, what we're seeing, even moving into a different space. In some ways, it could be having a phone conversation with someone or getting on virtually. Like, we really did well with that during COVID Having these friend dates and things like that, or having romantic dates, you know, virtually watching a movie together. Sometimes. Maybe we need to get back to that. How can we be creative in caring for ourselves, in. In caring not just for our physical bodies, but our emotions? And then really looking at soul care to, you know, moving back into, okay, this is what my emotional world is saying about where I'm at right now. And like, okay, what. What does God say about me? You know, what does. What scriptures could be really helpful to, like, come back to or even like, beautiful quotes that are affirmations that really guide our lives, period, whether they're spiritual or not. You know, what are the words? Who are the people in our lives that can really forge a path for who we want to be in this time and in this space? So, yeah, I mean, movement, softness, compassion. How can we make it be about us for just a little bit? Right? All of us are really, really good and practiced about it being about somebody else. I mean, you said that just a few minutes ago. And also, like, how can we also really tune in if I'm irritated? Great. Why does that make sense? What makes it make sense? And how can I soothe myself just a little bit? I think the other thing I'd want to share too is like, self touch can be so important. I feel a lot of things in my chest, and oftentimes if I'm feeling a bigness there, I will just put my hand there and I will just offer just a little bit of pressure. I did that too. [00:24:50] Speaker C: I put my hand over my Heart. When I'm feeling. [00:24:53] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And immediately, even right now, like, as I do that, like, I notice warmth that just moves out from my fingers into my shoulders into other parts of my chest. Like, really tracking for yourself, like, when I touch, when I, like, give myself that sort of support, or even when I notice the chair that I'm sitting on and allow it to give me some support, how does that then translate to the support that my emotions need, that I need right now to care deeply for myself? So, yeah, use your environment, too. It's a. It's a good spot to go to. [00:25:29] Speaker C: That's so good. I'm thinking about. Oh, I have. I had, like, sometimes I have thoughts come into my mind while I'm listening to someone and I start counting out the questions, you know, like, so I won't forget. And now I've had too many than one hand, so I had to start over. [00:25:48] Speaker A: Okay, that's all right. Come on. [00:25:50] Speaker C: But I do. I love all of the. These are really practical ideas, and like you said, they don't. They don't have to cost us anything. We're not like buying a peloton bike and putting it in our, you know, in an extra room in our house, where this is just slowing and noticing and validating and caring, which is so important. We have resources on stress capacity on our Empowered to Connect website, and a lot of this is bringing that to mind. Just like, what are some things that open the window, so to speak, of our stress capacity that allow us to withstand what we're dealing with from day to day? And when we are living in a time of increased heavy stress, what are some things that we can put in place to support that? I mean, it just really value thinking through a lot of that. [00:26:46] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. I. [00:26:50] Speaker C: One of the things I'm wondering is, would you give us a case for counseling and therapy? [00:26:57] Speaker A: Like, when? [00:26:58] Speaker C: At what point? And I'm curious, there are a couple of different ways we could go with this, because I think we don't always have to have a reason. Maybe you want to speak to that, too, to come into therapy or counseling or any kind of supportive practices. But I would love to hear from you, Dr. Owens. I would imagine people listening are feeling maybe validated and supported just by a lot of the ideas that you're giving. And I really appreciate that. So many of these we can find within ourselves to do. Tell me a little. Give me a little case for, like, when we would maybe start seeking out some professional support. And especially, I know for a lot of us, you Know, it takes time and funds to do that. And so when both of those are short, I know that I've found myself justifying why I shouldn't be doing that. And then when I actually make the. Put it in the budget and make the time to do it, it's been so valuable. So tell me a little bit about why and when would we want to pursue some professional support to help with emotional fatigue? [00:28:15] Speaker A: For sure. Well, I mean, yeah, for me, there's just. There's so few places and spaces where it can just be all about me or all about you, you know, and therapy is one of those places where you don't have to take care of anybody else but you. You know, it's. It's a place for increasing self awareness. It's. It's a place for increasing, like your body's natural, medicinal and healing powers and agency. You know, I always tell people it's not going to be me that's healing you or anything like that. Like, my only desire is to facilitate the wisdom that's already in you that loves to be in a healing space, that loves to be in a compassionate and soft and kind space. And so, so I share that because if that's for anybody, you know, then now's the time, you know, now's a good time. You know, of course, like, if, if anybody's getting to the point where like, they're just feeling like they can't anymore or they're feeling like this is overwhelming, this is too much, I think that's always a great place to come into therapy and like, why wait for it to be a crisis before you come and establish care, you know? [00:29:49] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm thinking about. I'm. I love illustrations. So I'm thinking about kind of this illustration of a dermatology emergency that I had last year. And I had waited and waited and waited for this thing on my skin, and it got so bad that I had to like, go in and take the first person who could handle it. And they, you know, triaged the situation. But now, you know, nine months later, I'm having to go back and do this, like, procedure to reverse and take care. And I was kicking myself all year. I'm like, if only I had just come in before this turned into an emergency, I could have handled it the way that it deserved to be treated. And I think so often we do that with our own emotions and our own selves right in our inner life as we wait until we can't anymore or we wait until it's so bad and we're so tired because we've got to find a way to justify that. But to go in for just for some care, I think can be really wonderful for us. [00:30:56] Speaker A: It's true. Yeah. And I, I mean, I, I don't even like, go to the individual level to like, talk about that. I mean, we really do live in a, in a setting and a time in a space where, I mean, it's actually celebrated for people not to take time off of work. Right. Like, it's celebrated to have all of this vacation time roll over or whatever or, you know, it's, or it proves. [00:31:22] Speaker C: That you were such a good worker that you didn't have to take it. Yeah, exactly. [00:31:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Like you're a hard worker and everything and. But also like that there's only three days offered for bereavement whenever you're grieving someone. Right. Like, there's a lot of like, implicit ways that we live in multiple systems that tell us, like, your emotions, sure, you can have them, but you can have them in time limited ways and only to a level that's mostly superficial. Not deep, deep. And don't talk about it actually, because we can't deal with the, you know, the fact that it's happening. Right. And so all of that translates into help seeking. Right. So if these are, if this is what our macro systems are telling us. My assumption for a lot of people, and not my assumption, it's my knowing I've been doing this work for a really long time. Like, we all have messages and socialization around emotions and who gets to feel what. Like anger for women, right? Anger for men is okay, but sadness for men, you know, like even we can move towards gender, we can move towards race, we can move towards age, we can move towards country of origin. I mean, we have a lot of, a lot of messaging around our emotions and all of that keeps us out of the therapeutic room. And it doesn't mean that the therapeutic room can't be super helpful and facilitate lots of healing. But it's all of these other things that we often have to overcome to get here. And I do think uniquely with this intersection of caregiving, there can also be this messaging around, like, why I shouldn't need to have this additional care when I'm doing the caring or I don't have the time or I don't have, you know, the funds, like everything needs to be funneled into this thing that I'm doing and this person that I'm being with and loving deeply to the exclusion sometimes of, of us. And who we are and. And the fact that our needs and our wants actually don't stop because there's, you know, such attention to others. [00:33:35] Speaker C: I know even a barrier to getting into that therapeutic space for me was, well, I brought this upon myself. I'm an adoptive parent. I chose this path. And so if it's hard, then I knew what I was signing up for, or I should have known what I was signing up for. There can be a little bit of, like, guilt or shame kind of twisted into that for families that are walking through adoption and foster care and just like, well, I should have known it would be like this, or I did know it would be like this, so I shouldn't need help for it. Um, whereas what I'm hearing you say is, oh, my goodness. I mean, when we make this choice, maybe we need to, along with finding a pediatrician, find a good, you know, therapist for ourselves, because it's just part of the proactive. Taking care. In order to take care. [00:34:29] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah. And it's. It's an honoring of, like, first of all, like, what an amazing thing, amazing choice to make. And just this recognition that not everybody's out here making these choices or anything, and not a lot of people are going to understand often, you know, what all this entails for a caregiver. And, like, you're also human. We are also humans. We are finite creatures, which, let me tell you, I have such a hard time with that, by the way, recognizing my finiteness. If there's anybody else here that has a hard time with that, we can talk about that at some point. But we are finite creatures. Our capacity can diminish. It's not always full. And that is by no means like our fault or anything like that. It's just living in the human condition. And I do think that any way that we can support ourselves being human, support ourselves being finite, it's good. It's. It's a good work. It's. It's preventative, it's proactive. It's all of the good stuff, but it's also just loving. Like, we need to be people who love deeply, others, of course, but also ourselves so that we can be abundantly giving where we can. [00:35:58] Speaker C: I'm thinking about when we at Empower2Connect, teach about stress, adversity, and trauma, and we talk about the effects of chronic stress upon a person. And, and what kind of tips it into the category of toxic stress is that there is not time or support to recover from what is being experienced. And so a giant argument for. Or I Guess maybe just supportive encouragement for entering that therapeutic space is if we are even, even choosing to, you know, some of us are choosing, some of us are not choosing the chronic stress that we're experiencing. But if we're experiencing it, we're going to need time to recover. And even if that is in one hour increments within your therapist's office, that can, that can be a huge deal. And to just have the support of, of being able to hold that space for your own feelings, your own heart as you journey on. I would love to hear. I wonder if you have a word for. We have a wide audience that listens to this podcast. There are a lot of caregivers, but there are also professionals who are teaching or working within child welfare or in the juvenile justice system. We have people that are working internationally in nonprofits, supporting children all over the world. And for people, for professionals that do these helping jobs, they also can become emotionally weary. In fact, Dr. Owens, maybe you experienced this yourself as a helper of people. So I wonder if you have any encouragement or wisdom that you can share, especially as we think about getting emotionally fatigued walking alongside others. [00:37:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes. Yes, I, I also get emotionally fatigued. It's a thing I, I think when you endeavor to, to support and to help and to love deeply, there are, again, naturally occurring consequences to that. And so, yeah, for the professionals out there, I know, for me, it's been so important to have rituals and rhythms just around making sure this vessel that I'm utilizing to be with and alongside people is, Is healthy and. Well, you know, for me, it's really important that I move my body. And so there are workouts, there's cleansing runs and different things like that. There's also time for journaling. That is really important to me because there are sometimes, yeah, just thoughts that I'm having that I want to be somewhere because oftentimes when it's about other people, it's. It's not about me. Right. And so. And I, I can't speak, spend my time with other people, working through my own stuff. So it's really important to have space to express authentically and genuinely. I also really lean into my faith a lot. So there's a lot of prayer, there's a lot of reading and making sure that I know who I am as reflected in the eyes of God, because I lose track of that all the time when trying to care for people and, and love people deeply. And so sometimes I need to be reminded who I am. Yes, I'm a sheep who needs A shepherd and green pastures and still waters and all of those things in order to rest. And so those are really important ways, but also, yeah, like what, what feeds me, what. What makes me. It doesn't even have to be like what makes me happy, but what makes me even content or feel neutral. Sometimes I just need to. Need to have those spaces to care for myself too. And so I would share like it's. There's got to be space made for all the professionals out there who are doing this consistently. I know that the people that I serve need me to show up. Not perfectly, but, you know, even in my imperfection, as open and as expansive as I can be to be with them. And. And so I think it's really important to understand and figure out what are the rituals and what are the rhythms that are needed daily, the predictability that's needed daily to be able to love ourselves well as well so that we can love others. [00:41:02] Speaker C: So I think especially walking through the unpredictability and chaos and other stories, that predictability is providing your faith, felt safety in your own. In your own walk and in your own life. That. That's so much wisdom there. I really appreciate you sharing that with us. [00:41:22] Speaker A: Of course. Yeah, yeah. [00:41:24] Speaker C: I have had so much fun getting to know you. I'm so excited that we live in the same city. [00:41:30] Speaker A: That's great. I'm like, let's be friends in real life. Let's do it. [00:41:37] Speaker C: As we finish up this episode, I'd love to know, do you have any parting thoughts? Do you have any parting encouragement? [00:41:43] Speaker A: Yeah, well, one thing that came up for me is like, oh, don't forget about nature. Like in talking about the free things that are out there. It's no coincidence that for often for us, you know, when we get into nature that we feel a sense of soothing and calming. There's a lot of research around, like why, like sound baths and sounds really help us too. But nature, like when we get out, you know, birds singing, all of trees, leaves rustling and things like that. There's actually like some like energetic vibration. Something in nature that actually like non verbally speaks to our systems and our nervous systems and helps them calm. It's really this beautiful thing. I couldn't even name what it is. I've just heard it and was so fascinated by it. But nature really does something for our bodies and it. It speaks to us in with words obviously that we can't hear. And it's really nice sometimes to get out in your grass. Not right now with the ice and things like that we can't our grass, but get out in grass with your bare feet, like lay out, like with your body touching the earth. Even the Earth's gravitational pool has goodness of being able to reset some of the. The things in our bodies. And so. And then for some of you, like, you just like being out whether there's bugs or not or whether there's. There's creatures, I would like to be out when there's no creatures and no bugs. And I don't know when that is really, but for some people, y' all are okay with that. But don't forget the medicinal things that can be found in nature. But as far as, like parting, you know, I don't know, I just. I hope that something in this has been helpful. I hope that in some way we can all honor our internal world. There's so much complexity happening there and so many beautiful things. Yes, it houses all of these emotions and everything like that, but it also houses just the essence of who we are. And I still believe that in essence, we are really good and we want good and we move towards good. And the more that we can emotionally care for ourselves, recognize our finiteness, even emotionally, and be responsive to that. Not react to it, but be responsive to it, I know that we'll be able to access what's good and us and be able to give that out into the world in abundant ways. [00:44:29] Speaker C: Thank you so much for being with us. And we have so much that we can carry away from this episode. [00:44:36] Speaker A: So I hope for those of you. [00:44:37] Speaker C: Listening that you will take at least one or two ideas and just start implementing them immediately to care for yourselves emotionally. Thanks, Dr. Owens. [00:44:47] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:44:53] Speaker B: We hope you enjoyed the episode. If you're interested in learning more, head to empoweredtoconnect.org for our library of resources. Thank you to Kyle Wright, who edits and engineers all of our audio, and Tad Jewett, the creator of our music. On behalf of everyone at etc, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time on the Empowered to Connect podcast. In the meantime, let's hold on to hope together.