[E190] Taking Care of the Whole Family

Episode 190 April 30, 2024 00:44:33
[E190] Taking Care of the Whole Family
Empowered to Connect Podcast
[E190] Taking Care of the Whole Family

Apr 30 2024 | 00:44:33

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Show Notes

In our Memphis-based clinic we serve families and their first point of contact is our Family Care Team. Today members of that team talk to us about HOW and WHY taking care of the WHOLE family is so very important! If you’re a parent who has wondered why you can’t just drop your child off at counseling to make them “all better” - listen in! If you’re a professional who feels like you’re missing a puzzle piece or ten - listen in!

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to the Empowered to Connect podcast, where we come together to discuss a healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families, and our communities. I'm JD Wilson, and I am your host. And on today's show, we talk about whole family care through a clinical setting. So what is TBRI? What does connected parenting attached attachment based care look like through the setting of a clinic, of a family healthcare family mental health care clinic. And so it's of most you know about the Memphis Family Connection center, which is here in Memphis, Tennessee, which is a part of empower to connect. And we'll explain more of that during the episode today. But we're talking with our family care coordinator and our program manager, Jamie Chesser, and Lindsay Johnson, about what this looks like in a practical setting. Tana Oninger also joins us to talk about the origins of the clinic. How did it even start in the first place? All of that, and so, really interesting story, especially if you are in a place where you are needing care for your kids, that is involving some, some form of therapy, ot speech, you know, talk therapy, occupational therapy, whatever. So if you, if you're in that place, even if you're not in Memphis, we feel like we got some helpful, helpful kind of tips and guidelines for you today to help you figure out that team of folks that you can have come around you to help care for your family. So, without any further ado, here they are now, Lindsay, Jamie, Tana, and myself talking about whole family care in a clinical setting. Well, as we said in the introduction, we've got Tana Ottinger and Lindsay Johnson and Jamie Chesser with us from the Memphis Family Connection center. And so if you've listened to for a while, to us, you know that oftentimes we have different professionals, therapists, who have come from our clinical side of our work over here. So, as a quick refresher overview, empower two connect three programs, the Memphis Homie Connection center, empowered connect institute, and then safe and secure Tennessee. And so, depending on what order you're listening to this, you might have already heard an episode talking about safe and secure Tennessee and what all they do. Um, you have no doubt if you're listening to this, you are listening to a product of the UTC institute. Um, and the clinic that we have is what we were going to talk about today. It is local in Memphis, Tennessee. Um, so serve people in our, our region here, kind of the mid south region. Um, and I say region because there are folks that drive from as far as an hour and a half, 2 hours away to come for appointments, and you'll. You'll hear why as we talk today about this. And so, um, I will dispel a little bit of the, um. Uh, fear. I can see I'm losing these faces that we're going to get flooded with intake requests after this, uh, podcast. So just. Just know, um, we're going to do our best here. Um, so all that I said before we. Before we kind of start, um, why don't we. Jamie and Lindsay won't introduce you guys, and. And you guys introduce yourselves to us, and then we'll, um, dive into kind of the story of how this whole thing came to be. [00:02:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I, um. I'm Lindsey Johnson. I am the program manager over at MFCC here. Um, been with the organization almost five years, so, um, it's been a lot of growth in the last few years. We made it through COVID. Um, we did. [00:03:14] Speaker A: We did. [00:03:14] Speaker B: We made it through COVID, all that. Um, but, yeah, so I'm the program manager, um, at the clinic. [00:03:21] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm Jamie Chesser. I am a family care coordinator, and I do parent coaching and some counseling, too. So glad to be here, guys. [00:03:30] Speaker D: Tammy, you've been with us. Do you. How many years do you remember that? I think like six or seven. It's okay. [00:03:38] Speaker C: I don't really know. [00:03:39] Speaker D: I mean, round about three years, it's all blurs together. It's all blurs together. Lindsay's like, I made it through COVID. I know how long I've been there, because COVID is true. [00:03:51] Speaker B: It is. [00:03:52] Speaker D: It's like, in our years up. I don't know. [00:03:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. And Tana does not always love this, but I'm going to put her on the spot in that. When the clinic started, it was created out of sort of the dreams of her and mo and just a gigantic. What they saw as a gigantic gaping hole in, um, the needs of families in Memphis. And so, um, why don't we kind of start from there? Tawna, if you just want to tell the story of, like, how. How did this even come to be, uh, in the first place? [00:04:28] Speaker C: Um. [00:04:29] Speaker D: Yeah, so, as I'm sure if you've been listening along with us, you know that we have a parenting curriculum now called cultivate connection. Back in the day, um, it was called the connected parenting course. If you listen to the episode for Michael and Amy Monroe that dropped, um, earlier than this one, they talk about Mo and I going and kind of welcoming ourselves to becoming facilitators and trainers of that parenting course. And we brought it back to Memphis and started walking alongside parents that were just like us, that, that were wanting and hoping and longing for some other tools and strategies and ways to support our kiddos. And then realizing very quickly that it was really about us, which we don't have to talk about this particular time. But we did understand that there was a whole family system situation going on at the end of that parenting course. It talked about finding professionals, like a professional support team. And we taught the class for years. Hundreds of families had gone through. And I remember every time we taught that particular lesson, it was always like, well, who do you recommend? What pediatrician should we go to? What ot should we go to? What speech therapist? What counselor? And as at the time, Mo was pastoring. So we also were deeply integrated in the faith community in Memphis and felt like just, we were seeing so much need. And when we first started, we felt very alone and isolated. And over years, we felt like we had really been surrounded by a group of parents and peers that longed for the same kind of thing that we, we did. And we wanted hope and, and possibility and healing and tools and strategies, and we wanted to sort of give each other permission to look at things differently. But it's very hard to do that when you're in isolation. It's very hard to do that when things, when you feel like you can barely make it through the day. You know, it just, we were, we were, we started in a tough spot. We had been working towards some healing in our own family and walking with other families. And every time they asked us, we're like, we don't, we don't know. And I'm not saying that there weren't lovely, wonderfully qualified providers in Shelby county. Of course there were, but they also were isolated. Typically, there would be one occupational therapist that worked at the Labonner pediatric hospital that sort of understood the unique needs of our kind of families. But how do you get to her? And she might be on one side of town where the counselor is in a different practice, on a different side of town. And do they see things the same way, or are parents getting different advice and different recommendations for care? So we just felt like families were being asked. Doctor Purvis used to talk about it, like, if I invited you over to my house for a brownie, I would serve you a full baked brownie. I would you a bottle of coke. I mean, a bowl of cocoa powder, a raw egg, water and oil. And that's often what families are having to do. They're having to piece together the brownie on their own when they're in the middle of desperate, hard times. And so we felt the need our families, we didn't have anywhere to send them. So when Mo and I were, like, quiet and brave enough to whisper it out loud to each other, like, wouldn't it be amazing if. And it's that first little seed of, like, wouldn't it be amazing if there was some place for families like ours to go where the burden of educating the provider was not on me as a parent? I got to just go and exhale and be cared for while I was attempting to care for our family. So we started dreaming about it, and then the funny story is, and then we'll get to sort of Jamie and Lindsey's perspective on this. But I remember we were sitting. Mo was still pastoring, and I guess he was teaching that morning, and I remember exactly the chair I was sitting in front of from the stage in the middle of him teaching, he said, and we're starting this new nonprofit for families to come and get care. And he and I hadn't, like, totally decided we were doing this, but he, like, announced to the whole church on video and in front of thousands of people that that's something that we were about to do. So I was. I was voluntold that morning by my pastoral husband, who, from upstage, announced it. And I literally thought, I, you know, who are we? Mo and I were. He was a pastor. I, at the time, was a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I got my degree in business and accounting, not counseling or therapy. Beau got his degree in ministry and history. Like, what is he talking about? We are starting. What? Like, who would come? Who should come? Who do we think we are? Like, we were not counselors or occupational therapists. So we. That was the morning that I decided it better be time to write a business plan thing that we're going to start, because mo just told people. And the funniest thing was, when he got off, I was like, did you really just tell all these people that were starting that thing? And he was like, I did. And he kind of goes, I'm sorry. Maybe they won't remember. And we got our very donation first check in the mail that week from somebody who used to go to our church that own had moved away and was listening in online. And when the check came in the mail, I was like, no. Now we're, like, responsible for somebody's gift. We, like, literally have to start the thing. So that that's the heart behind how we started. It was a dream with absolutely no idea at all what it would look like, how it would take shape and felt incredibly ill equipped. So if anybody out there is thinking of a dream that you don't even know could be, I'm testimony that it can be just, you know, maybe make a business plan before your husband announces it from up on stage. [00:10:43] Speaker A: Maybe. But the. The rest of that story, though, is after the door is opened, right? [00:10:50] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:10:50] Speaker A: What happened? And so. [00:10:51] Speaker D: Well, that's right. I thought nobody's going to come. Who would come? And then the first, like, I don't know, 1015 families came, and I'm like, well, guess the market saturated. Those are probably the only people that needed help. There's 15, you know, lucky them. Jamie, Lindsay, what's y'all's perspective on that? All these years in, after, I thought maybe 15 families needed our help. [00:11:17] Speaker B: I think there was a couple of days span where there were about ten or 15 that came in just intakes in a couple of days, so. [00:11:24] Speaker D: Yeah, right. [00:11:25] Speaker B: That number has shifted quite a bit. [00:11:28] Speaker D: Yeah. Why don't you guys tell them about kind of what. What does a monthly flow look like in terms of the kinds of families that are coming and seeking services? And Lindsey's not joking. We have, I don't know about how many intakes a month. Yeah, I thought it would be 15. And that's all. [00:11:45] Speaker B: Yeah, no, we're definitely not there. You know, it's so good to hear that part of the story, you know, of the beginning, because to see where we are now, as Tana mentioned, you know, who knew what would happen, you know, when they started. But we're seeing now the need for one place to provide so many different services for a family is so great. And we're seeing that every day. I mean, every day there's an intake form that comes in, whether it's a family needing something for their child or is. It's a couple, or it's the family as a whole, or it's about connection or it's about ot, you know, across the board, there are so many families in this city and county that are needing that support. And like Tawna said, it's that, you know, rather than having the whole brownie, they're. They're getting increments in so many different places, and it's not connecting. So, you know, I think something that has always drawn me to our center and the work that we're doing is that we are doing our best, and that is our goal, is to present it all together to the family. You know, how can we? You know, they're coming in with concerns about kiddo, but what we're hearing also is mom struggling with kiddo and dad struggling with mom, and it's the siblings, and it's all of it together. So how can we take a step back and look at the presenting need, but also see the whole family that everybody's got needs that support right there? So, you know, as tana mentioned, there's a, you know, ten to 15 families. Sounds great. Someday, some days those intake forms come in and we're all like, ding. You know, we hear those dings on the emails, and we're like, was that. How many was that today? That was nine. Okay. You know, but it also tells me that the work we're doing is good. We're doing great work, and it's getting out there, and to be able to support families in so many different ways, it's a lot, but it's inspiring. We know we're doing that. So Jamie may see a completely different inside take on that because she sees the intake side of it. [00:14:04] Speaker C: No, I definitely think the need is there, and I think it's even greater than what we're recognizing, even right now. I would say a lot of the people come in because they've just heard from other clients or maybe their pediatrician, and I still don't feel. I feel like we could still expand our influence a lot in the community, so the need is definitely there. And I love when the families come in, they really feel seen and heard because they realize that there's somebody that can kind of hold that space with them and not just one particular need, but they can come and just lay all of it out in an intake meeting and know that they're understood and they don't have to be alone anymore. It can be incredibly lonely and isolating if you have these different needs in your family, and nobody seems to understand. And so I think it's just an amazing place for families to get that support and those wraparound services that they need, um, for their family, whatever that may look like. [00:15:13] Speaker D: It's. [00:15:14] Speaker C: It's different for every family, but, um, it's great that we can provide a. [00:15:17] Speaker D: Space for that, for sure. No? [00:15:20] Speaker A: Agreed. And so let's just say, so, tana, we'll set the stage for you. Tell a story of opening and being like, well, I hope people come. And we've. And we've made reference to, like, they're getting here, um, from that time that the clinic opened until now. Maybe explain what the clinic is today. And for reference share some numbers, if you want to, about, like, you know, therapists and offerings and clients and all that that we're seeing. [00:15:50] Speaker D: When we were starting to imagine a place like Memphis family connection center, I think Mo and I were thinking about when we first came to even just the parenting course itself. And I kind of joked about this a little bit earlier, but typically, and there's no shame in this, this is a very normative behavior. Typically, a family gets in a place of crisis, and there's maybe some behavior that they just do not feel like they are equipped to support or manage or control or help or one of their kiddos is in a place of crisis. Like, there's typically, I wish that we all had access to services before crisis, okay? But usually, we're typically motivated by something difficult going on. And so when you come to. When you go to seek care, it's usually something's going on with my child. They need help, and what is maybe different and what sets us apart is, that's true, and that's important. And as an. As a team, we would never dismiss the intensity of, hey, my kiddo is in desperate need of help. But what makes us integrated and holistic is we will not just say, our counselor will see your child isolated from what's happening with you in that relationship and the family unit, the family system, and maybe even the whole child themselves, because often what could look like some willful behavior could be rooted in something like a sensory processing deficit. And so you could spin your wheels in some sort of a behavior modification kind of hamster wheel of trying to address behavior. But if you don't have a holistic, integrated approach to what's going on with kiddo, then you're actually not going to be able to support the need behind that behavior. So we're thinking about the child as a whole, and we're thinking about the family as a whole. And then. So that. So the first step is, Jamie mentioned it, an intake appointment. It's not just, oh, your kiddo wants counseling, let's schedule them with a therapist. It's, you are seeking services. Lindsey, you sort of said that presenting need or presenting concern is that usually what gets them in the door, and then they have a meeting with a family care team member that assesses the scope of what's going on and maybe even gives the parents or caregivers, I would say, like, an invitation to think about lots of different possibilities about what the family might need. And then we can talk about sort of how many people and that kind of thing are coming but, Jamie, do you want to talk about that first, sort of that intake appointment and kind of what y'all talk about and what are some of the processes of intake? Sure. [00:18:47] Speaker C: So when a family schedules that first intake appointment, we. We take time, whatever that looks like. We usually schedule about an hour, but, you know, we've had some that are much shorter and then some that are much longer. But just to get to know the family better, whether it's just personalities, it's needs, it's a big picture of their story so that we can just understand maybe all the things that are going on and that they're seeing. We take a couple minutes to explain the services that we offer, and then we just really try to come up with a plan that fits the need of the family. And sometimes ty was absolutely right. Sometimes they come in thinking it's one thing, and the more that we're digging into it, we recognize that this is actually something completely different. And if we don't meet the need causing the behavior or, you know, whatever the challenge is, then we're just putting a band aid on the issue. And so we really want to dig in and find out what's going on. Sometimes it is, again, just that invitation, like maybe this is going on. Now that you are kind of alerted, you can kind of think about these things in a different way, because most of the time, I mean, I truly believe families and parents do the best that they can. And as they're looking at their child in love, they're meeting as many needs as they know of. But sometimes we just don't know what the need is, so we are not able to meet it. Whether that is the child is unable to communicate that themselves or the only way that they know how to communicate that is in a way that's causing more frustration for both with them and the parent. So really the intake is that it's just getting to know the family, letting them get familiar with us and how we provide those services, and then we develop a care plan from that. As a family care team, we meet and just talk about different scenarios, and we try to find the best fit for that provider with whatever the need may be. And then we kind of go from there. [00:20:55] Speaker D: One of the first things families do after intake, so if they go through intake, kind of the next step is on the MFCC side. We have something called foundations for care, which a family goes through. It's a video series that prepares them and sort of does some education around how we think about connected caregiving. And I will just do a little plug here. We did just release a mini course. Look at me. I'm going to slip that right in y'all. We, empowered to connect did just release a mini course. You can go on our Shopify store and see that it's called the connecting practices mini course. Connecting practices 101. And that particular handbook and guide and mini course is actually what we use when our families start care at MFCC. And so they do online asynchronously from home. The parents and caregivers do a little bit of education, and they start thinking about their mindset and the way they're considering and thinking about what could be going on, both with the kiddo and in that relationship. And then they're offered what Jamie says, a family care plan. So, Lindsey, do you want to, like, talk about what are some of the services and that kind of thing that we usually recommend through MFCC? [00:22:11] Speaker B: Yeah. And I want to say real quick, like, the foundations for care is like, is a big part of who we are, you know? And I think that's what really, for me having. [00:22:25] Speaker D: For those of you all that may have just heard that that is Lindsey's sweet puppy dog, and we, as an organization, are lovers of dogs. If you just heard that was Molly, which is Lindsey's child, that there's a mailman outside the show. [00:22:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Literally closed the door so we could not have. [00:22:44] Speaker D: That's right. Keep on. We can hear Molly in the background. [00:22:47] Speaker B: Go ahead, Lindsey. [00:22:48] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:22:49] Speaker B: So with foundation. Well, I think what sets us apart, though, is that there are, there are countless organizations in the city that provide great care, but what sets us apart is we want. We want families to know coming in that it is the whole family, you know, whether it is just, kiddo, that they're seeking services for, but that foundations for care. What Tana said is that it shifts that mindset for them to see that it's not just coming. I'm bringing my kid for an appointment, and that's it. Like, everyone is involved, and I think that's a big piece of who we are. So, as Jamie mentioned, that care plan is, you know, they may come in for counseling services, but we're also looking at, is there an ot piece to it? Is there a speech piece to it? Sometimes they're coming in just for kids, and maybe is there a marriage piece to it? You know, maybe mom and dad aren't on the same page, you know? So we really, as Jamie mentioned, that care team really talks through what that family needs, you know, and we present it to them and they walk. We walk alongside them. It's not. We recommend these services, and that's what you have to do. We also say, what do you feel comfortable starting with? You know, maybe we want to start here, and then we'll navigate to this piece over here. Again, I think unique piece that to MFCC is that it's an ongoing process. It's. And the family care team and the therapist and the counselors are. We're walking with the families care plan may change. You know, it may start with counseling. And then we see, hey, maybe there is some sensory stuff here. [00:24:24] Speaker D: Let's. [00:24:24] Speaker B: Let's pull this back in. Let's talk to our therapy team. You know, so that is that big picture that integrated care, that they come in, for one thing, and I think Jamie can agree with this, they come in with just this, and then they're like, oh, wait, I could get counseling here, too. Like, I'm signing up for all the things. [00:24:46] Speaker D: All the things yesterday. Please. [00:24:49] Speaker B: We joke kind of in our family care is like, you know, give one of everything, you know, ot speech counseling, you know, and that's great because we want them to see that there's so many different dynamics and perspectives to get to where they want to be and where we hope their family can get to be. So the intentionality of that family care team, in my opinion, of course, I'm biased because I work here, but is what sets it apart. I've worked at other places, and kid comes in or family comes in and they're, hey, this counselor is available, and we put them there and we don't do that. If we hear a parent say, oh, they love art and they love doing this, hey, let's try to get them with our expressive art therapist. Let's start there. There's a reason why we want it to work. We want it to be successful. And that intentionality and uniqueness, I feel like our families see that because they may come in and think, oh, I was recommended to this person, and we're like, that's great, but this is why we think this will actually be a good fit, you know, and, and knowing that it's not cookie cutter, I think they feel that and much more likely to walk along and kind of buy into that. Okay. It is. It is a whole family approach, you. [00:26:12] Speaker D: Know, well, and the holistic, integrated piece of us as humans, I think about a story where there was a kiddo that came in that had a lot of food aversion and started in some articulation stuff and started with speech therapist, which in our services that would be, like, with some feeding therapy, and did that for over a year and kind of started hitting some roadblocks. So we transitioned kiddo to expressive arts therapist, and within three or four sessions with the art therapist, the kiddo was, like, ready to try foods that were absolutely not even in their repertoire when they were doing years of speech therapy with a trained person to do feeding therapy. But the speech therapist was like, we think we need to, like, at this maybe a little bit of a different way. And so the way the art therapists can help with brain and all the kind of stuff that I don't totally even understand. I watch her do it, and I'm like, I know she's doing something that's right beyond my understanding, and it's like voodoo magic, but suddenly, you know, then. So the kids spent some time with her, and then she recommended, I think we need to go see an ottoman. Then the kid was with and the OT for a while, and, you know, like, that's the beauty of having a whole understanding of, like. And then there was some food insecurity from their past. So, like, even just thinking about, I've seen so many families where food becomes, like, this hill that. That the family can actually, like, break apart around food. And I don't have to get into all the reasons why that is today. We've done some episodes a long time ago about this, if you want to go find the bank of episode. But even knowing that there's a lot going on with us as whole people and that we often need a different way of expressing ourselves or integrating our bodies or exploring our senses or using talk therapy or using art therapy, or, you know, so many times you'll see one of our quote unquote talk therapist, although we know that's not really what's going on, playing, you know, air hockey with the kiddo, and it's because they needed to just move their body or they're in a swing, or the therapist has a kiddo in the OT, sensory gym, sliding. You know, there's thinking about a human as a whole, integrated person, and the beautiful part of what we need to understand that, especially for our kiddos who've experienced adversity, stress, or maybe attachment wounds. And so a lot of our work at the clinic is also very attachment and connected, relationship focused. We're thinking about how to pull in the parents and caregivers so that they can really take the things that we. We see a kid 1 hour a week or maybe 1 hour every two weeks, or maybe, maybe two times a week, if there's, you know, a couple of appointments, and the parents and caregivers have them for hours and hours and hours and hours. So what does it look like to include them? Jamie, what comes to your mind when you kind of hear me saying all that? [00:29:21] Speaker C: Yeah, a couple of things. One thing that I hear that's kind of sad. A lot of therapy places, they just, like, almost drop off their kid. They take them to the back for an hour, and then they just bring them back out and they're like, okay, we're done. Session. And the parents are frustrated because they don't know what they're working on. So how do we continue this at home? So you mentioned they have them for hours where we have them. Maybe one. And that just is different at the clinic because we want to invite the parents into that space. Now, they may not sit in the entire session. We do try to give space for the child to have their own time. So if there's things that they need to talk about, they can. But, you know, here's some strategies that we can use. Here's some resources that might be helpful for you to understand better what's going on. Try these exercises throughout the day. If you're seeing this behavior, maybe we can provide this outlet. And so I think that is so crucial to. I'm just inviting the parents into that space with the child so that they can better understand. The other thing that I wanted to mention is I came to MFCC as a mom needing help. And when we provided service or when we got services, I was so grateful for just the extra set of eyes that were on my child to think about their needs. As a mom, I met every need that I knew of. But then I'm seeing a counselor, like, hey, there's actually some occupational therapy needs here. And I was so grateful for that professional input. And that's something that we do at MFCC. It's like we're not just providing counseling and only counseling, and that is all the needs that we see. We are thinking holistically about that child, and we can make those recommendations to say if there is something else that would be helpful. That was so relieving to me because it took some of that pressure off. I was, you just see your child, and that's what you see. So sometimes it's hard to get that outside perspective, and you don't know what you don't know. So I loved having this professional speak in. [00:31:33] Speaker D: I was just thinking that Jamie like it. The weight of parenting is so heavy and I think we all know, like, I just joked, I'm like, I don't really understand what Jill, our expressive art therapist, is doing. I just see it, and I'm like, she, you know, having, having a group of trusted professionals is a gift. And I'm certain there are parents and caregivers and maybe even some professionals that are listening that may be feeling like, man, I wish I had an MFCC, and maybe some professionals that are listening, like, I wish I either worked at a place like MFCC, or maybe there's the, the spark in them wishing they are dreaming about maybe starting something. And so I think it would be interesting for us as a team to talk about what encouragement would we give them if they're in areas that don't have access to this kind of care, what encouragement would you give or what piece of advice, either as they seek other care or as they are kind of doing it, maybe without the professional support. Do y'all have, does anything come to mind? I know it's hard because all we're like is like, we don't know. It's so sad. There's a lot of empathy. All of our faces are like, oh, that's horrible. What comes to mind? Move to Shelby county. Is that what all of you are saying? Come on and pack your bags? [00:33:04] Speaker B: Maybe not that. You know, I think when you ask that question, I think my first thought kind of went back to what Jamie was talking about, like, having parents be a part of that space. And I think, you know, for parents advocating to be a part of that process, you know, like, if you are somewhere where it's just like Jamie said there, you check in, you say, have a good session and come back out, you know? You know, that's it is part. It is the whole family, you know? So if it's, if it's not, if that's not what you're getting, like, advocate for that or, you know, maybe that's not the right place. But I would think as, you know, maybe it's not an MFCC but a therapy place would want the whole family's perspective. You know, it's one person is not the family. So I think that, to me, that's the first thing that I kind of jump to, is that it's everybody involved. It's, it's brothers and sisters and parents. And, you know, we've got so many sweet families that we have, you know, grandparents come in and they're like, parents are welcoming their, and their parents to say, you know, this is why we teach about compromise, and this is why we teach about, you know, these kind of things and expectations and, you know, so to see that they're, they're influencing even past generations, you know, so I think advocating for, like, no, this affects all of us, and we want to be a part of this. We don't want you to just, quote unquote, fix our child, you know, whatever it may be. We want to be a part of this process and, and learn and grow together. That'd be, I mean, that would be my first piece of that. [00:34:40] Speaker D: I love that. [00:34:40] Speaker B: Lindsey. [00:34:41] Speaker D: Yeah, go ahead, Jamie. Sorry. [00:34:42] Speaker C: No good. I have done a few intakes with people outside of Memphis, and I can hear the frustration that MFCC is not in their town. One of the things that I have tried to help them do is locate a TBR practitioner just to see if there's someone that might understand needs a little differently or if they have a recommendation of someone in town that they would know of that they would be able to recommend that way that maybe they can create their own network of providers that would provide some holistic support. [00:35:16] Speaker D: I love that. So, Jamie, just in case our listeners don't know exactly what that is, so that she's saying the methodology at which we started the clinic and a lot of our work is in alignment with trust based relational intervention and the Caren purpose Institute of Child Development. So there are other TBRI therapists and practitioners around the country. So you can go to the Karen purpose Institute of Child Development and they have a list of practitioners and you can search your area. And I love what you're saying, Jamie, because although they may not actually be a providing therapist or counselor, they could be an educator that is trained in TBRI or TBRI is in the court systems, but if you find a practitioner in your area, they will often know what's happening in your community. With people that have a similar heartbeat and understanding around some general terms like trauma informed care or attachment centered care, connected caregiving, those are some of the things you would be looking for. Obviously, if you're an adopt foster family, you want an organization or a provider that has some competencies around the unique way that those families are structured and the unique challenges that that may bring to a family unit. So you might look for some of those kinds of things. One of the things I was thinking about, and we tell the story all the time, and I think she may be on an episode coming up, and it's Misty, who's one of our occupational therapists, and she saw one of our older kiddos who's now 20. She was one of his very first OT's, and she was newly out of school, and it was right whenever Mo and I were, like, hot on the trail here for TBRI and changing everything about what we were doing. And she had seen one of our kiddos a little bit. And I just walked on into that ot session with a book, and I had the connected child, which was Doctor Purvis's first book. Some of y'all listening may have read that. And I had a couple of maybe like ten pages, you know, earmarked where they were. The little things were bent down. And I said, I know that, like, asking you to read a whole book would be unfair and too much, but I have earmarked about ten pages that are right in alignment with how we feel like we are parenting and what we think could be going on with this particular child that you see every week. And if you wouldn't mind just peeking over that. And I'm thinking she did. She now is literally the coordinator of our entire therapy department, and I think that what is important about that story is she didn't know. Jamie, I love what you just said. We only know what we know. Well, also, professionals only know what they know, but that doesn't mean they aren't willing to learn, and that doesn't mean they aren't willing to partner and grow as well. So it's like, find somebody with a growth mindset and an openness and curiosity, and then don't ask too much of them. But you said it, Lindsay, like, advocate, push in, you know, print off an article, a short one, you know, fold down the pages of a favorite book, the whole brain child, or big baffling behaviors or beyond behavior. Some of our sort of go to resources, find a page or two that you feel like, talks about your kid, and ask those professionals if they would be willing to. To partner with you in that kind of intervention and caregiving, and you just don't know who your team's going to become. You may have to be the spark that sparks it. Yeah. [00:38:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I would say, you know, we. We are obviously huge believers in, we are partners with TCU in this work. And so, like, we believe in TBRI. We do not believe that there's a magic wand that gets waived once the TBRI certificate is passed that now this person's competent and before they work. Right. So there is a. There is a whole universe of people who are already kind of on the track of caring for kids in this way, whether it's because their personality, their upbringing, just a general, compassionate outlook anyways, so I would say that, number one. So don't. Don't be disheartened if, like, there's no practitioners here. Well, that doesn't mean there's no therapists who can care for your kids in a really, really special and changing way. Second, I would say the beauty of TBRI from an. From a, uh, the standpoint Tana was just talking about is that when you bring it to people, you're not asking people to have this different moral awakening in their life where they have to think through this whole different framework. It's a scientifically backed research, research based practice that they can look at scholarly articles, peer journals, all those kinds of things, to find all the evidence they would need to show its effectiveness as a modality of care. So you're. You're asking to consider that, but most people who are in that world are constantly having to go through ongoing education anyways, and so, um, you're not. You're not asking something huge to say, hey, let's let you take a look at this and see what you think about it. Um, and like I said, first, you. You also very well might have, um, folks in your corner that have not gone through this education yet and are already caring in that particular way as well. It's important just to have conversations with them. And, um, and like Thomas said, be. Be. Be ready to do what she and Mo were doing, which is to unload some information and ask for them to learn those things, because nobody knows your kids better than you do. So. [00:40:51] Speaker D: I love it. Okay, so step one, print an article by a book, walk in very lovingly. Also maybe bring cookies and gift car. Like, bribe them a little bit. I don't know. Like, just, I. You know, over the years, with all these sweet loves that we have in our family, we have just interacted with hundreds of professionals. Hundreds. And, y'all, I have just found kindness, man, you know? What's that? There's, like, a phrase that says, you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. Like, go on. It. Is that. Did I say that right? Y'all, did I literally just pull that up? [00:41:29] Speaker A: It's kind of cannibalistic for bees. [00:41:31] Speaker D: Jamie's like, is that it, Jamie? I don't know. What's the saying? [00:41:34] Speaker A: Catch more flies with honey than vinegar. [00:41:36] Speaker D: What did I say? Bees. [00:41:37] Speaker A: Bees. [00:41:38] Speaker D: That's not right. Thank you. I knew I could tell. Jamie's like, no time. That's not. Catch more flies with honey. Thought the bees aren't catching themselves. [00:41:46] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:41:46] Speaker D: There it is. Okay. I landed there. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Okay? So take your honey, your proverbial symbolic honey, and your book and your education and your kindness. And I agree that if they're in the helping field, most of them are generally want to help and are compassionate, and so don't. Don't lose heart. On the flip side, I like what you're saying, lindsey, which is, if you're just not getting anywhere, it's okay to break up with the provider. [00:42:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:42:18] Speaker D: It's okay. Say, like, you're not necessarily providing the kind of care that I feel like is best from me and my family, and you don't want any triangulation going on. Like, you want to be included in the intervention and care that your kiddos are receiving. So, anyway. [00:42:37] Speaker B: We love your families here. [00:42:39] Speaker A: Yeah, guys, thank you all for jumping on and joining us and all the work you're doing and all that. [00:42:45] Speaker B: Thanks. [00:42:47] Speaker D: Now y'all can go. Do not fill out an intake form at Memphis Hamlet Connection center. Do not live in Shelby county, and cannot drive yourself over. But before we go, I will say if you wish you had some education or some support, we do have those resources available through empowered to connect. So the mini course is there for you. The Connecting practice handbook, lots of resources, YouTube videos, cultivate connection. If you wish that you could start a class in your community that might begin this kind of conversation or start building community, we have an opportunity for you to become a facilitator of the parenting course. So there are ways, if you're driven to sort of get things started in your area. There's. We'd love to be a support and resource to you as you try to build that community. So we're here for that. But we cannot see you if you're not as a little patient. [00:43:46] Speaker B: So a little asterisk there. We can't do that. [00:43:50] Speaker D: Thanks, Jamie and Lindsay. Thanks for having us. [00:43:57] Speaker A: Well, a big thank you to everybody for joining and for sharing today. And so that's all we've got for today for everybody here at Empowered to connect, for Kyle Wright, who edits and hears all of our audio, for Tad Jewett, the creator of the music behind the Empowered to Connect podcast. I'm JD Wilson, and we'll see you next week on the Empowered Connect podcast. Podcast.

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